6/28/2004:
Stumped another doctor on Thursday. The GI specialist I went to see was a nice guy, at least, but on first examination,
he doesn't know what's wrong with my stomach, either. He said, "I rarely put a question mark as my diagnosis, but that's
what I'm putting for you." Before I left, they took a few pints of blood out of my arm (ow, hate needles), to run some
tests. I have an endoscopy scheduled for the end of September, as that's the earliest they could get me in. Too bad I
don't have any interest in going into the medical field; they are horribly understaffed. We'll see if the bloodwork turns
up anything interesting. Otherwise, I'll have to wait for the endoscopy to be done.
This past weekend, Joanna and I journeyed down to New London, CT, to hang out with Chris, Yaco, Mark, Lex, Wills, and
Ryan. Played many games, including C&C:Renegade, Soccer Slam, Super Smash Brothers Melee, the new
4-player Zelda game (each player needs a Game Boy Advance, so we were only able to play 2-player), and lots of
Magic: The Gathering. Got Joanna addicted to Magic. Brought home 3 decks: my artifact deck, plus a
red/black and a blue/green. We've been playing a couple games a night. Is fun.
The only overshadowing to the great
weekend was my stomach health, which was bad, as it has been for the past couple weeks. The only thing I was able to
consume was salad and PB&J sandwiches (not at the same time). Had a little bit of chicken with one of my salads, but that
was it. It's feeling a little better this week, though not terribly so. I just feed it what it can tolerate, i.e. lots
of PB, with honey or jelly/jam, and supplemented with some fruits, vegetables, and occasional salty tortilla chips.
It'll get better. Or it won't.
Page Updates:
- holy crap, I updated the Link of the Now (first time in almost 6 months)!
6/23/2004:
Spaced out. Zoned out. My condition this week summed up in a few short words. Motivation has been extremely lacking.
Did manage to get through more of Storm of Swords. Have a couple hundred pages more to go. When I finish, it
will be time to start in on Song of Susannah, the recently released sixth book in Stephen King's seven-book
Dark Tower series. I look forward to reading it. I also finished up Clive Barker's Undying, the game I
have been playing for the past few weeks. The game was very enjoyable, and I did get a sense of accomplishment and
happiness from vanquishing the evil and completing the game.
Stomach-wise, things are better than last week, thankfully, but still not great. They haven't been great in a very long
time, it seems. I go to see the GI specialist tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully he will have something encouraging to say.
I have pondered why I have been feeling so down, annoyed, and spaced-out recently, and have found a couple possibilities.
Since my grandmother died, I have not really mourned, in my own way or any other. I acknowledged the death, but there
were no tears, though I feel there should have been, and still should be, with such a part of my life passing from this
earth. She has come to mind more often the past couple days than in previous weeks, but I still don't know what to do.
Some sort of "letting go, moving on" ritual is probably appropriate, but with my lack of motivation to do much of anything,
that is something that has not even become much more than a thought, let alone a reality. I feel that soon I will need
to do something of the sort, but more thinking on it needs to be done first. I think my trip home for the 4th of July
will help things, as I will get to see my Mom then, and we will get to talk about things. Perhaps after that trip, I can
do what I feel needs to be done, for my own sake.
Another thing is Joanna. She has been with me here for nearly 2 months, and it has been wonderful. We still have a month
here together, before she needs to return to Canada, and I want to make the best of it. The time has gone by quickly for
these past months, and I know it will continue to do so, until we reach the end of our living together for this time. I
try not to think about living here without her, sleeping alone again, but sometimes such thoughts come to my mind unbidden,
and all I can do is push them back down. Her coming here was one of the best things to happen to either of us, but with
all that pleasure, there is bound to be some form of pain involved, as well. Her leaving will be that pain.
In better news, I did receive a phonecall at 10 am this morning, from a hiring manager who had seen my resume on
Monster.com, and was interested in me for a job. I explained that unfortunately, I cannot start work until the beginning
of September, because of my school funding. She said the job needed to be filled asap, so unfortunately I won't be getting
that one, but the call made me feel elated all the same, knowing people are looking at my resume, and at least one person
liked what they saw. Plus, now I have a contact for when I start my job search in earnest. This makes me glad.
Unfortunately, I still feel tired and mostly down. I am glad we are traveling down to CT this weekend, to hang out with
the guys and play some games. It will be a good time, and I know it will lift my spirits.
6/15/2004:
My dreams were bloody and disturbing. Many people were dying, for various reasons, some by my hand. I shot some men in
the head, men who had harmed and killed some of my friends. I tore out a woman's throat with my teeth. It was very real
and very graphic. I woke feeling out-of-sorts and disturbed. As the day has worn on, there hasn't been much improvement.
My stomach was acting up during class, getting a little better since I've gotten home, but still not great. I'm also
feeling...annoyed. I felt the same last night after class. There is no particular target of my annoyance. I just feel
annoyed. Don't think the humidity is helping any. I really dislike the humidity...though I think
right now it's bothering me so much because I already feel crappy. I'm tired all during class, and my stomach has been
upset more this week than in the previous few weeks. I dunno. Just. Annoyed. I think with respect to today, my
dreams did not help in the least.
I did remember what I was going to post about a couple days ago. It was just more stuff about the zoo. Like how the
ostrich in the picture I took followed me around (on its own side of the fence). Followed me all the way from the zebras
to the emus (there were no internal barriers between the sections), looking for food. I didn't have anything for it,
but found the following very amusing. Also, we did get to hear the barking deer bark. It did sound like a very loud, small
dog. Quite cute.
Listening to some calming music has helped my mood quite a bit. Thankfully, I don't hold onto bad emotions for too long
at once. Given some time to relax, I am able to shed the bad energies, and make room for the good. I am still tired,
though. Maybe I can get to bed before 3 am tonight...
6/13/2004:
Beautiful weekend weather, I love it. Got outside friday for awhile to shine my swords some more. Finished up with the
longsword, then got the shortsword cleaned up as well. Today I scoured little bits of rust off the unicorn sword (my hand
and a half), and rubbed it down with oil. It is calming to me to sit and clean my weapons. Hours go by and I don't notice,
but for the ache in my arm from scrubbing them. Always have a sense of accomplishment when I'm done, too, and I love senses
of accomplishment.
Yesterday, I went to the Lupa Zoo, a local zoo over in Ludlow. Roland and Joanna accompanied me, and we met Sean, Sarah,
Ian, and some of their friends there. Pete came as well. Good crowd, good time. They have quite an impressive array of
animals there. Many pictures were taken. I picked the best of mine and posted them here on my site, link to follow.
Roland has a really good picture of the cutest little owl I've ever seen, and I mean to steal it from him when I get a
chance so I can post that, too :) It's called a Saw-whet owl, and is active only at night. According to the little
information card, Saw-whet owls are rarely ever seen in the wild, and bird-watchers consider it a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity to see one in its natural habitat.
After the zoo, Roland, Joanna, and I retired to my apartment to have some lunch and relax. We watched PCU, since
neither Roland nor Joanna had ever seen it. Followed up with some Invader Zim episodes, and much laughter :)
A very good day :)
I feel there was more to write, but nothing comes to mind just now. I have been a bit absent-minded today...maybe later
I'll remember what I was going to talk about.
Page Updates:
- rearranged Pics, as I'm accumulating more and more animal pics, so I decided
they needed their own section, aptly named Animals.
- added a Lupa Zoo section to the Animals sections above, containing my pics
from the zoo trip yesterday.
- added a couple new pics to the Miscellaneous section. Some funny signs we saw
at the zoo yesterday.
6/9/2004:
Cool. Calm. Confident. These are the words I spoke to myself today, walking into the exam room at 12:45 pm. I walked
out at 2:05 pm, CCNA certified! Yes, I did pass my exam today, and I am very, very pleased. One less thing to worry about,
one more thing to put on my resume, one more thing to help me get the type of job I want. :)
Weekend in Long Island was good, aside from my anxiety getting to me again. Seems to happen more and more lately in crowds,
even when it's a crowd of friends. Theaters, restaurants, parties. Stores, sometimes. Some time spent in Joanna's sole
company, away from the noise, helped immensely. One of these days I'll learn how to relax again. Guess things have been
more tense than I realized lately. Some tension was eased today, probably to be replaced soon by other test tension, as
now I need to move onto the Microsoft tests and start passing those. One at a time, all I can expect. I'll finish them
in my own time and pass them all soon.
Didn't end up starting Morrowind yet. Instead, I've been playing Clive Barker's Undying, a 3 year old game
that I've had in my possession for a couple years now, but never got around to trying. It is quite enjoyable, and best
played at night, being dependent on dark corridors and creepy noises to get the mood just right. The game so far is quite
fun, making me almost jump out of my skin on several occasions, when monstrous things leap out of the dark at me and tear
me into bloody bits. Joanna is also quite fond of it, and has taken to watching whenever I get to playing it.
As usual, I've also been taking a trip down nostalgia lane with my NES emulator. Recently finished Megaman 6, the only
Megaman game for NES that I had never beaten. Now I'm working through the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (again).
What fun :)
6/3/2004:
My car repairs were finished today, so I went and picked that up earlier. Good to have my vehicle back, what with all the
traveling I have planned for this month. It was a pleasantly sunny day here, so I was able to get outside for awhile,
which was nice. Good for clearing my head, and it certainly doesn't hurt my health any. I took one of my swords out
with me (the first one I ever bought, the longsword from Starfire), and polished the hell out of it. It still has some
black stains on the blade, but I scoured all the rust off it, and it is finally shiny again. I plan to do the same to the
rest of my swords when I have the chance. Hopefully it will be nice next week, and I can get the others done then.
Spent this evening studying to retake the CCNA exam. I have it scheduled for next wednesday, and I look forward to taking
it again. Confident as I am, there is still some tension generated in me, knowing that the test is coming up again soon.
Got a phonecall from my Mom tonight. She told me my grandmother (her mother) passed away this morning. It doesn't come
as a surprise; her health has been fading for some time now. It was not a matter of if, but rather of when. It doesn't
make the hurt any less...just more expected. There are tears for me to shed, but they haven't been shed yet. They will
come in time. I'm still working through it, and things will come, thoughts or tears, when they come. My grandmother
donated her body to science, and therefore there will be no funeral or burial. We may have a memorial service, but if so,
it will be later in the summer, as my Mom's family is scattered all over the US, and it's difficult for everyone to get
together. I will miss her greatly; she was a large part of my young life, and we have been close throughout my older years
as well. I am at a loss as to what to write here now. I will close by saying I love you, Nana; I always will, and my
prayers go with you into the afterlife.
6/1/2004:
Weekend was very good, as my weekends usually are. Went shopping on Friday with Joanna; toured around Enfield, CT for a
bit, and picked up some toys there, then went to Walmart to get some things I've been wanting to pick up for awhile now.
Saturday, Kris, Roland, Joanna and I went to see The Day After Tomorrow, which was good, as expected. The weather
effects were quite spectacular. Sunday, I got to run my campaign, and we played for 12 hours. It was much fun for
all involved. Lots of good PC to PC and PC to NPC roleplaying, along with some good old combat, which was needed by
everyone involved, I think, players, characters, and DM alike. Yesterday was spent here, relaxing, and playing a large
share of video games. I finally finished up Warcraft III: The Frozen Throne. Much fun, though the Orc campaign
felt a bit drawn out at times. Not sure what my next venture will be, but it's looking like Morrowind is a good
bet, as I've been wanting to play it, and Pete let me borrow his extra copy.
Today was an adventure in itself. Went shopping at Better Life, the nature food store. On the way home, on the highway
(291), it suddenly became very difficult to steer my car. I thought my power steering had gone. I pulled over into the
breakdown lane and half off the road, then got out to investigate. There was a belt hanging down under my car, which
didn't bode well. Called for a tow truck, which delivered my car to the local Midas for me, free of charge (yay AAA).
Investigation revealed that the wheel on my water pump has stripped some of its teeth off the inside, so it catches
slightly when it's spinning. What is thought to have happened is that the wheel of the water pump caught, the belt
tightened around the power steering pump, and ripped it right off its mounts. There were three bolts holding my power
steering pump down, and all three have been broken. The power steering pump is fine, but the water pump needs to be
replaced, along with the serpentine belt that broke, the broken bolts, and another piece, which was attached to the
power steering pump. Not going to be the least expensive job, but it needs to be done for my car to be driveable, and
so my car is at Midas right now, hopefully to be fixed tomorrow, assuming all parts are available.
I decided not to go to class tonight, and just went home instead (Roland gave us a ride; thank you). I spent the night
studying, preparing to retake my CCNA exam. I should be prepared to retake it next week. I look forward to it.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble - added "Crimson"
5/26/2004:
The weekend was fun filled and busy, as expected. Joanna and I went and saw Troy on Friday,
then spent the rest of the evening at home, relaxing. Saturday, Kris, Roland, Joanna, and I took a walk around
the lake by Mount Holyoke, which was very nice, in spite of the overcast weather. We followed up the walk by watching some
episodes of Invader Zim, then we went over to the Campbells' to watch The Dark Crystal, which I recently
purchased on DVD, having also finally purchased a real DVD player. I am very happy to have such a device now. On sunday,
we started Pete's new D&D campaign, and the session went very well. Our party consists of a half-orc Necromancer, a
half-elf Sorcereress, a halfling Cleric of Weejas (Goddess of Death and Magic), a dwarf Ranger, and my character, a
human rogue. Quite an interesting crew, and it made for some good roleplaying, and some very deadly combat (deadly for
our enemies, thankfully).
I mentioned in my last post that I would like to take up my runic studies again, and I started those again over the
weekend. I'm taking in slow, one rune at a time, and, as usual, picking up more information about each one than in my
previous studies. I am glad I learn more each time. I hope this time I can get through the preliminary learning of the
runes, and move onto the more advanced studies, as I already have the books with which to do so. I fell asleep last night
with the red image of Uruz burning in my mind, and it felt very good to do so. I also slept better last night than I have
in at least a week, and that alone makes me feel good. I hope I can repeat it again in the coming nights. I did also
travel to the realms last night, but with the knowledge of the fact of my travels also comes a gaping hole in my memory,
where I cannot remember what I did or who I saw. But I know I was there. *sigh* If it's not one thing it's another.
At least I came out of it ok this time through, instead of being prematurely ejected, feeling sick and sore, as has
happened in the past.
On top of my runic studies, I have also been very good at exercising every morning this week, and also studying to retake
my CCNA exam. So there are many things to feel good about right now, and thus I am feeling pretty good :) I won't say
there are not heavy thoughts, because I always have those somewhere, concerns about aspects of my life, or about the
lives of others about whom I worry. But overall, pretty good around here right now. Now all I need is some
sunshine.
5/19/2004:
Things have been much better since my last post. My physical health has steadily improved, and lately I've been feeling
quite good. Still the occassional stomach ickiness, but that's me. I have an appointment with a G.I. specialist late in
June, and I'm looking forward to seeing what is found during that visit. It has been a couple years since I've seen a
G.I. doctor, and I didn't like my last one much, anyway. I've been able to start exercising a bit again, and that also
helps me feel healthier. I've been sleeping too much lately for my liking, so I've taken to setting my alarm so I don't
oversleep. It helps me not feel as if I've wasted the day away.
I've been feeling lately that I'd like to take up my runic studies again. I've gone to them and back many times over the
years, and each time I'd like to think I'll stay with them until the knowledge is mastered, but each time I move on to
something else before my learning is complete. Each time, though, I also come back with new knowledge, and that I would
certainly not give up. So we'll see how far my learning takes me this time through :)
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
5/8/2004:
This past week has been a mishmash of the best feelings (emotional) and the worst feelings (physical). I went home last
weekend to attend my grandfather's burial ceremony, which was as difficult as expected for the family who gathered there.
I was glad to be able to be there, with them and for them. My sister was supposed to come home as well, but it turned
out she was not able to. She will be there when I travel back to VT next weekend, however. I look forward to seeing
her.
The one who has brought me so much emotional joy and well-being this past week is Joanna, who arrived on the bus, from
Canada, on sunday. It is wonderful having her here with me. She is radiant, beautiful, and loveable, and loves fantasy
and video games. I could not ask for more from anyone, and I want no other. I am so grateful for her being here. Thank
you, my dearest love.
On the physical end, things have been downright shitty. It's my stomach again, as any reading this most likely guessed
right off, and it's worse than it has been in years. I've had terrible bouts of nausea, and my stomach does not seem to
like anything I put in it at all. Even peanut butter has upset it this week, and that is surely a bad sign. I've also had
some dizzy spells, more than usual. I visited the doctor's on wednesday. I am getting a CAT scan done on my head next
thursday afternoon; they want to make sure there's nothing wrong there. A referral has been put in for me to see a G.I.
specialist as soon as one is available, but the doctor said it may be a month or more, as there are not enough G.I.'s for
all the patients currently needing them. In the mean-time, I have been taking it really easy, eating very light meals
of fruit and bread, and drinking as much water as I can. I'm not fading away to nothingness, never fear. I'll pull
through this as I always do, and hopefully come out the other side much better off. My depression over my physical
ailments has passed; the thoughts came and went, and will not come as strongly again. I am looking to spiritual and
magical healings as well, and so far I think things have been helped a shade there. I have taken to praying some at night;
something I have not done a lot of in the past, but may do more of in the future. It just feels right, and that's the best
reason to do many things, I find. I have friends near and far who love me and care for me, and they also help greatly in
this healing process. Thank you, all.
In another brief note, the Lineage 2 beta ended back on April 26th. Being that the retail game is very expensive, and I
have better things to do with my time, I will not be playing it. I do have a few more screenshots, so may post them just
for viewing pleasure after I sort through them, but those will be the last.
4/22/2004:
Page Updates:
- added more screenshots of Lineage 2 to the appropriate
section.
- added a rather funny picture to the Miscellaneous section.
4/18/2004:
Pete's Ultima campaign is no more. Eldath, Tolman, Elharadon, and my own character, Captain Lilek Stormweather Manyhome
Stareyes Ficklecutter Dead Man Walking Dangerseeker Kneegnasher ("Kyle"), will never walk that world again. Nay, it has
been destroyed, and in the end we had done all we could, and still it wasn't enough. We were summoned against our will
to battle an evil that none native to that world could stand against. The fate of the world balanced on our success or
failure. In the end we ultimately failed, and the world cracked asunder and fell.
We were placed in a situation from which there was only one escape, and in the end it was decided not to take that route.
The ways of the world were still mostly unknown to us, but we were beginning to understand it more each day, and to even
respect those that had first drawn our contempt by seeming to know next to nothing about our situation. One way of the
world, with respect to us, was that if we all died, there was a power alive that was strong enough to bring us back. We
thought the sole condition of this miracle was that we all had to die. That was proven incorrect in our final
adventure, last session, when Lilek fell in battle but the others survived. My body was recovered from the battle location,
and three days later, I rose again, alive and healthy. We tried again to advance through the cave where I had fallen just
a week before, as it was our only exit from the underground cave we had come to, but again we were attacked, and this time,
all fell except Eldath, who escaped. Our bodies were unrecoverable, as they were torn apart by our assailants, and Eldath
felt he had no chance of surviving a recovery operation. Apparently, if not all of us were dead, and the dead bodies
were not in a safe location, the raising could not take place, but we did not know this; it was never explained how such
things worked. So Eldath stayed in a safe location, and prayed for a miracle like the one tha that had brought Lilek back
from death a week before. The three of us who had died were visited in the afterlife by a familiar person, and it was
then that we found out the only way for us to all come back this time was if Eldath also died. We asked if there was a
way for a message to be sent to him, and it was confirmed it could be done. We then contemplated long about the best
way to phrase such a message. In the end, Elharadon came up with a very good, concise one. See, there were others in
the underground passage with us; a group of sailors who had served us well in past months, and we wished for them to
be unharmed. It was stated that it would be done: the message would be delivered to Eldath, and the sailors would not
come to harm.
We waited for Eldath to appear in the afterlife, but he never did. The message was not enough to convince him that death
was the answer, and so he waited, and prayed for a miracle that never came. In the end, the world was overcome by the
evil that we were summoned to combat, and thus it fell into darkness, destroyed. We had done all we could, and in the end,
it seemed that those who still had power, and had helped us in our journey, did not care enough to save the world. Perhaps
a different message could have been tried, or some other form of communication, but that was not the case. Thus we are
now finished there, never to return.
Yes, I am disappointed at the outcome. I loved my character, liked my companions, and was beginning to enjoy the world
that we were summoned to. I began to care for these people that we interacted with, and wished to help them out. However,
in the very end, it was out of our hands. There was only one person who could have prevented what happened, and he chose
not to do so. Maybe he didn't like the campaign as much as I thought. Still not sure what I think of everything just yet,
but I will not ponder it long. It is time to move on, and we have already begun the process of doing so. A more traditional
campaign is in the works next, and my human rogue, as yet unnamed, is ready to accept whatever challenges come about in
that world.
4/14/2004:
I am feeling better today, physically. My mind still feels awfully tired. I feel I've been thinking about far too much
for far too long, and in part that is true. There has been a lot going on in my life lately, and it's hard to take
it all in at once. I'm still not thinking about all of it, and I'm not going to; I'm going to take it in pieces.
Otherwise, stress will most likely overcome me again, possibly resulting in more sickness, which I would be unhappy with.
That is all for today.
4/11/2004:
I have not been well the past few days. My stomach is in shambles again, worse than it's been in months. Even when
hungry, I feel nauseated. sometimes I feel a little better if I eat a ittle something; other times I feel worse. I know
stress plays a role in how I feel, and I try to calm myself and push my stresses away, but it's not working as well as
I'd hope.
Class has seemed more stressful lately. We go over a lot of info each night, and I feel I'm absorbing less and less of it
as we go on. Plus I have 3 tests worth of material to test on, and feel I have no time to study for said tests, what
with the intensity of class and all. We really need a week off to catch up, and maybe get at least 1 test out of the way.
Unfortunately, the curriculum does not allow for such a vacation, and so we press on. I may take at least 1 day off
from class this week, for my own health and well-being, as I'm not feeling very healthy at all right now. Aside from
the stomach problems, I've also been feeling tired, and alternatively dizzy and faint. I may be malnutritioned. I
called the doctor today and set up an appointment for tomorrow. It's been quite awhile since I've had a checkup of any
kind (not counting followups on my leg injury), and maybe he can offer some advice.
Aside from stress over school, there are other things, as well. I am feeling some residual sorrow over the sudden,
recent passing of my grandfather. He was my Dad's Dad. Now my grandmother, my Mom's Mom, is in the hospital. A week ago,
things were looking grim. Then, a few days ago, she was getting better. Then she was feeling worse, and yesterday, better
again. It's going to be up and down and stress-inducing, as I have always been very close to her. I hold hope for her
recovery, but her unfortunate, pessimistic outlook on life makes me keep from hoping too much, as negative thoughts can
prevent healing as much as positive thoughts can help it.
There is a bit of added anxiety, as my longing to see Joanna again increases each day. That will be remedied soon,
however, as she will be here the first weekend in May. I talked to her on the phone last night, and as always she made
me feel better.
I had a feeling come over me two nights ago, as I stood looking out the window, watching the sun set. It is a feeling
I've had in the past, but too long ago, and it is both sweet and painful: the longing to enter the fae realm, and join
those already there. I blame Emma Bull, in part, because she writes so damn well. She induces me to remember the
closeness (and yet so far-away-ness) of the fae realms, and so of course I wish to journey there myself. In times like
these I thank my friends, who with their fae touches and auras make me feel not so alone in this world where I am now.
Thank you, dear friends. You will never be forgotten.
Thanks again to Kris, I took a quiz online, entitled "What D&D character are you?". My results:
I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Paladin
Alignment:
Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.
Secondary Class:
Paladins are the Holy Warriors. They have been chosen by a God/dess to be their representative on Earth, and must follow the code of that deity, or risk severe penalties. They tend towards being righteous, but not generally to excess.
Deity:
Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of
NeppyMan (e-mail)
Detailed Results:
Alignment:
Lawful Good ----- XXXXX (5)
Neutral Good ---- XXXXX (5)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXX (6)
Lawful Neutral -- X (1)
True Neutral ---- XX (2)
Chaotic Neutral - (0)
Lawful Evil ----- XX (2)
Neutral Evil ---- (-1)
Chaotic Evil ---- XX (2)
Race:
Human ---- (-3)
Half-Elf - XX (2)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXX (8)
Halfling - (-6)
Dwarf ---- (-1)
Half-Orc - XXXXX (5)
Gnome ---- (-2)
Class:
Fighter - (0)
Ranger -- XXXXXX (6)
Paladin - XXXXXX (6)
Cleric -- X (1)
Mage ---- XXX (3)
Druid --- XXXX (4)
Thief --- (-8)
Bard ---- XXXX (4)
Monk ---- XX (2)
Page Updates:
- updated Happenings section on Dragon-Rider
4/5/2004:
Been spending a good amount of time playing the Lineage 2 beta. I am
constantly impressed by it graphically, dealing both with the individual texturing and look of the creatures and other
players you encounter, and the large, lush environments, complete with the droning of insects in the swamps, and birds
in the trees. There have been some issues, of course, as there always is when an MMORPG first comes online. The login
problems still exist, but with 5 servers now instead of just the original 3, those have decreased significantly. There
are also some lag problems, seemingly randomly, but I have not personally had too much trouble in that dept, either.
My dark mage achieved 14th level last night, and gained access to some new spells. I increased the power of my Wind Strike
(DD) spell to level 4, and also picked up Vampiric Touch, a life-drain spell.
Had a good weekend. Ran my campaign on Saturday, and had a really good gaming session. Some interesting encounters out
in the desert, followed by the PCs reaching the city of Seele. A very good roleplaying session all around. Some very
good quotes came out of that session. Kris, who plays Codo, an elven fighter, writes down the funny ones and
posts them.
Kris, Roland, and I went and saw HellBoy yesterday. A fun movie, as expected. Effects were great, and the
characters all likeable :)
4/1/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Pics. Added Game Screenshots section, posted some pics of Lineage 2.
3/31/2004:
What a depressing fucking day. It's all rainy and crappy out. And I failed my CCNA test. Again. I did better, but not
better enough. Scored an 805. Need an 849 to pass. Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit. I prepared for
weeks after failing the first time, and really thought I had it this time, but my certification still eludes me. I feel
like crying, like throwing things, like breaking stuff. If I drank alcohol, I'd probably be making stiff drinks and
downing them for the remainder of the day. Instead, I will find some sort of game and immerse myself in it. I did
finally get my email for the Lineage II beta, so maybe I'll go see if I can play that for awhile. I have a 3rd level
dark elf spellcaster on the Kain server, named Zylachren. If you play on that server, come say hi. I'll be on for
awhile. Not even sure if I'm going to class tonight. I think I need a night away from learning about computer-related
things. You have not defeated me yet, CCNA test...I will pass you! *sigh* Just not today, apparently.
3/29/2004:
Today is kind of annoying. I got a couple extra brackets to help support the new blinds I got for my living room window
last week. I put the brackets up today, hung the blinds, twisted the rod a couple times to adjust the blinds and make
sure they were still working ok, and they broke. Now the left side cannot be adjusted, and hangs limply by one string,
so I'll have to take them back to Home Depot tomorrow and get them replaced. At least the brackets are still up...
Annoyance #2: As most reading this know, Lineage II has reached the Open Beta stage, where anyone can join up and play
for free until the commercial release. I downloaded the game last night, 1.1 GB worth. 5 and 1/2 hours of downloading,
and then, 30 seconds before it completed, my cable modem connection went down. I could ping my DNS servers, but
I couldn't ping anything else, and could not browse to any sites. I had to wait until today to download it, and I didn't
get an option to resume the download. Total download time, between last night and today: 7 and 1/2 hours. Now, I thought
I had signed up for the open beta, but apparently all the stuff I filled in was for the closed beta, which was
already over by the time I filled in the information. So I filled in my email address to sign up for the open beta, and
they were supposed to send me information to complete my signup so I can play the game, but I have yet to receive any
such emails. I thought maybe they didn't like if people used free web-based emails to sign up, even though they didn't
have that written anywhere that I could see, so I used the email address I have through my ISP, but I still have seen
nothing. I wanted to try the game out before I went to class today, but apparently that is not going to happen. Hopefully
I will have received the email by the time I get out of class, and then will be able to play. After doing some more
studying for my CCNA exam, of course, which I am retaking on wednesday. I will be much more relaxed when I pass that
exam.
My weekend in Long Island was good, save for the dark and scary dreams I had while I was there. Not sure what brought
them on, but I'd care not to have them again. Last night, I let some nag champa incense burn while I slept, and
willed negative energies away from me. I slept well last night, and remember only shreds of my dreams, and those shreds
were bright and not scary.
Leaving in a little bit to pick up Miranda from work and take her to pick up her car. I finally get to see her again
yay :) Hopefully traffic is not too annoying. I don't think I can take much more annoyance today.
3/23/2004:
Had a good, relaxing weekend. Was what I needed, I think, as I was feeling less than motivated towards the end of last
week. Lex and Dave came to visit, and we all gathered at Chris' house for the weekend. Roland also joined us. On
friday night, we watched Undercover Brother, as neither Lex nor Roland had seen it yet. Then we taught Roland
how to play Magic: The Gathering.
Chris picked up the new PS2 game Lifeline, so we got to experience the fun and
frustration of that game. Fun to play, frustrating when the girl doesn't go where you tell her to (you tell her what to
do using the microphone). The voice recognition works fairly well, but sometimes it seems if she doesn't understand you,
she just does something random, such as running (or walking) around the room, with no apparent goal in mind.
Saturday consisted of more gaming. We played some Magic after we got up. Roland came over later, and we went out to
dinner, then learned how to play Jyhad. This card game, released in 1994, is based on Vampire: The Masquerade.
It is fun to play, but is very lengthy. We played one hand, with 5 of us, and it took 5 hours. Granted, we were just
learning how to play, but it was still an awfully long time. After that game concluded, we played Magic for an
additional 5 hours :)
Gaming goodness on the weekend and a relaxing atmosphere with friends helps me to be more motivated during the week. I
have again picked up my studying for the CCNA exam, which I am retaking a week from tomorrow. I am confident I will pass
just fine this time around :)
And now for something more somber. At my grandfather's funeral, there were little cards that were passed out. On
one side, is the classic writing "Footprints". On the other side is a picture of my grandfather, and a writing of
unknown origin. I would like to share that writing here, as I feel it to be a powerful piece, and calming to those who
may grieve terribly for the loss of loved ones:
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there; I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamonds glint on snow.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uprising rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there; I did not die.
A bit of research reveals this piece was written by Mary Frye and Wilbur Skeels.
3/17/2004:
Feeling pretty unmotivated today. I haven't felt up to par the past couple of days. My head buzzes uncomfortably, and
I don't feel driven to do anything productive. I have still been persisting, though, studying for the CCNA exam. I think
once I get that certification, I will feel better, as I will be able to focus fully on the Win2003 Server stuff, which
we started this week. I feel like I'm slipping behind in the class, as I haven't had much focus in the past month or so.
And when I have study time, it's always CCNA. At least I am progressing in that; the information is coming back to me
pretty easily. The only thing I have real trouble with now is WAN technologies, and that will be remedied soon. I look
forward to taking the exam, and I'm enjoying refreshing the stuff in my mind; I just feel bad that I can't keep up
completely with my Microsoft studies, as well.
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
3/14/2004:
Last week was rough, but things are looking up this week. I drove home last monday, to be with my family. Attended the
funeral on wednesday, came back to MA on thursday evening. I saw a lot of family and friends of family that I haven't
seen in many years. It was good to see them, though of course I would wish for better circumstances. My family has always
been close-knit, and it shows clear in both dark times and light. We pull together quickly to support each other in our
times of need. Hopefully our next such gathering will be in much happier times.
Jeff came down from NH this weekend to visit me. We hung out, lazed, played lots of Doom2, plus a few games of Starcraft.
Last night, we went and saw Secret Window with Roland and Chris. Starring Johnny Depp, the movie is based on a
novella by Stephen King, entitled "Secret Window, Secret Garden". The movie was good, and definitely had a King feel to
it. Depp, of course, played his part well :)
Today is a motivated day, for the first time in awhile. I got my apartment cleaned up, and did a load of laundry. I
am also going to get some studying done, so I can get my CCNA certification soon. Yay for motivation.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
3/8/2004:
A great man passed from this earth today. My grandfather, Gerald E. Parker, Sr., died this morning. He went easy,
quietly.
He lived a good, long life (he was 84). He loved to drive, and was seen more often in his truck
than anywhere else. Each day, he was off somewhere, running errands, or visiting family. He loved his family, and was
a good father and husband. He was also a veteran, having fought for his country during World War II.
Grandpa found amusement in small things. He loved little animal toys, especially those that made some sort of sound,
and/or moved on their own. He had at least one such toy to go with every holiday, and always brought them out to show
to all of us, young and old, and there was always laughter, and it was good. We must remember this times, to bring smiles
through our tears. His presence will be missed, but in our hearts he will live forever.
Goddess watch over him as his spirit journeys to his place of rest. May his rest be pleasant and peaceful. I love you,
Grandfather.
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
3/5/2004:
Been feeling kinda crappy the last couple days. Alot of my friends have been sick, both up here and in Long Island
(where I visited last weekend), but I haven't really been feeling sick in the traditional sense. Just feelings
of being worn down, mostly, with some of the usual icky stomach feelings. I was doing well at the beginning of the week;
a big improvement over last week, but as time has gone on, it has gotten worse. Two nights ago, I slept pretty badly.
Total sleep hours were around 9, but I woke 4 or 5 times in the night, and overall didn't feel very rested. Last night
was better, but still not great. Slept another 9 and 1/2 hours, and felt ok when I woke, but now I'm feeling out of focus,
and a bit dizzy. Tried some food, which has helped some, but not totally. Not sure what exactly is wrong with me.
Energies out of balance I think...would do some meditation but think I would fall asleep if I tried now. Maybe later,
I will burn some candles and focus to relieve some of my tensions, which come upon me for no apparent reason.
3/3/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble. Arranged poems and haiku in what I feel is a much better
fashion. Added new poem.
2/29/2004:
Page Updates:
- archived Daily Grind for 2nd half of 2003.
2/25/2004:
Had a spectacular vacation last week. Drove out to see Joanna (finally...we've been talking about getting together for
years) on Monday afternoon/evening, arrived around 9 pm. Spent a wonderful week getting to know each other even better
than before, and learning that we have alot in common, in lifestyle choice and other things. Took a beautiful walk on
friday, around where she lives, and visited the school she attends. Saw a black squirrel, and also a small flock of
canadian geese that had landed and were poking about in the sparse snow for food. Apparently, there are also alot of
rabbits around that area, but I didn't get to see any. There was alot of much needed cuddle time, and lots of play. Sleep
feels incomplete now, without her next to me. Hopefully we can get together again soon. Watched alot of movies while I
was out there; some that I hadn't seen yet; others were good re-watches. Those that I remember: The Breakfast Club,
The Lion King, Watership Down, From Hell, Raiders of the Lost Ark. I think there were others.
My memory sucks lately. I also introduced her to Invader Zim, to which she promptly got addicted, and has since
watched all of the episodes :)
Before I left for Joanna's on Monday, I took my CCNA exam. It was much more difficult than I expected. I didn't pass.
Thankfully, I can retake it when I'm ready. I will be studying up over the next couple weeks, and then retake and pass
the exam.
Since I got back, I haven't been sleeping very well. I've been sleeping long hours, but do not feel rested when I wake.
It is a little frustrating, as it makes me very irritable, especially as the day goes on. By the end of each day, I don't
even feel like interacting with anyone; I just want to be by myself. I don't like being that way, but it's how I feel.
Hopefully I can relax this weekend, in Long Island, where I won't have to drive for a day or so. Had a long drive sunday,
back from Canada. Tonight, after class, I have to drive to my parents' house in VT. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow
at 2 pm, and then afterwards I have to drive back here to MA to attend class. Then, on Friday, I drive to Long
Island, and on sunday I drive back home. After this weekend, I think I won't be driving any significant distance for
awhile. That's what the tentative plan is, anyway.
Think it's aboot time to wrap this up for today eh.
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
- updated Scribble
- added pics to Friends and Sky.
Pic added to Sky is of the sunset I saw on my drive out to see Joanna.
2/15/2004:
The anxiety remains, but it has lessened. I feel confident about the test tomorrow, though I will prepare a bit more before
the day is out. I slept well, and woke earlier than usual. I burned some new incense I picked up at the mall the other
day. "Eternity" it is called. It seemed fitting that I buy it, and it smells very nice.
So, about my downstairs neighbor, who bitched at me a couple weeks ago: I was going to go down and talk to him about the
noise level; see if it was specific times he was angry about, etc. Well, come that weekend, he moved out! Yeah, saw him
and his girlfriend loading things on their truck on friday. Thought maybe just his girl was moving, or something, but no.
All their stuff is gone; the maintenance crew has been down there most of this past week, cleaning, and by the look of it,
stripping out the old carpet, to replace it with new. Seems funny now that he came up and complained, only to move out
a few days later. For awhile, I felt strange, because I planned on talking to him and didn't get to. Ah well. Times
change, people move... Hopefully whoever moves in next will be nicer.
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
2/14/2004:
Anxiety has gripped me today, for most of the day, twisting my stomach and making me feel weak. I want monday to come
so I can take my test and get it over with. Then I wish to take my vacation, which I will enjoy. Further anxiety, of
the better kind, for my vacation. I just wish to be on my way. I look forward to the drive; I have been itching to hit
the highway and just go for a few hours, to clear my mind in the wind and listen to music at high volume. Soon I will get
my chance, and at my destination, an attractive girl waits, with anxiety similar to my own. The time when I
go to her cannot come soon enough. Writing about it has eased my anxiety some, thankfully. I was able to eat some dinner,
which has helped my strength. I plan meditation later, burning candles for tranquility, and probably incense as well,
before I sleep. Hopefully my rest will be good, as it has been the past few nights, and I will wake feeling better than
I do currently.
Page Updates:
- added pics to Friends and Me
sections.
2/12/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
2/9/2004
I met Jess online back in October. We connected quickly, and have been conversing often since that time. On friday, I got
to meet her in person, and it resulted in a fantastic weekend. She is small and cute and very sensual.
We spent most of our time either cuddling or playing,
with cuddle time spawning some really good conversation, where at other times we just sat together in comfortable silence.
In her presence, my mind was clear in ways it has not been in a long time, and I felt tranquil. Our play time was
intense, sometimes wild and frenzied, always enjoyable. She awoke the wolf in me, my wild, primal side that has not come out
in such force in quite some time. I look forward to the next time we meet...
After I took Jess home on saturday, I spent the rest of the night at home by myself, as I wished to be. I got a good amount
of studying done, played some Warcraft III, read more about Amber, and turned the lights out at 1 am (early for me).
Yesterday, Roland came to visit. We played Majesty and Starcraft (which we didn't do very well in; next
time, victory will be ours!). Also watched Xmen 2 again :) A good night spent with a good friend :)
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
- added pics to Lynx and Friends
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
2/3/2004:
I am still alive. No post for awhile. Busy with school stuff, mostly. Learning the information necessary to pass my
CCNA exam has been an intense experience. We are learning lots of information in a fairly short period of time. These
past few nights, I've been feeling some burnout because of it, as I study during the day before class, then go to class
for 5 hours. As a result, I haven't been studying as much out of class. Not getting as much done, but feeling a bit
better, so I think this is going to be the way it is. Still have another week of CCNA stuff after this one before I
get any sort of break, so need to pace myself.
Had a good weekend. Went to Osaka (Japanese restaurant) in Northampton with Kris, Roland, and Pete on friday night.
The food was very good. I ended up with leftovers (as usual), and had some tonight for dinner. Still good! Played
D&D (my campaign) on saturday. Lots of fun. Lots of great roleplaying, and some interesting encounters as well. On
sunday, hung out at Sean's with a bunch of people, played some Mariokart Doubledash, and watched Tron ;) Good times
had by all.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
1/27/2004:
Went and saw The Butterfly Effect on sunday with some friends. I found the movie quite enjoyable. It was a nice
twist on manipulation of the past, and the effects such manipulation brings on the present/future. I may even see it
again before it leaves theaters (a friend wishes to see it, so may see it with her). It was on my mind quite a bit the day
after; gave me new things to think about, anyway.
My downstairs neighbor came up and bitched at me tonight while I was watching the extended edition of The Two Towers
(received it for Christmas, hadn't watched it yet). I guess the bass may have been a little heavy; just wanted to get
the full feel of the movie. Apparently I'm not allowed to do so while he is living below me. "I don't know if you
realized, but there are people living below you." Of course I realize it. That's why I keep things down up here.
He also said I've been making "an awful lot of noise". Um. Nothing I do up here makes all that much noise. If I'm here
during the day, I study or read, usually while listening to New Age or Classical music, at a reasonable volume. I usually
load up a game for awhile, too, and never too loudly. I'm in class 4 nights a week, and when I get home at 10, I usually
have dinner, then play games, while wearing my headphones. I don't throw parties. I don't run or jump around, or do
strenuous exercise here. I might walk a little heavy sometimes, because I still limp a bit, but I am aware of it, so try
not to thump too loudly. I am extremely puzzled as to where an "awful lot" of noise is coming from. He didn't elaborate.
Is Lynx throwing parties while I'm gone? Bad kitty, annoying the neighbors.
*sigh* Just really annoyed right now, even though I shouldn't let tonight's stuff bother me.
Maybe I'll lose myself in a game or something. Seems my head is full of many
thoughts lately, mostly about those who live far (ish) away, whom I miss. I will see many of them over the next 5 weeks
or so, and I am looking forward to it. Ah, feel so alone right now. Needing a hug. Getting virtual ones...they help,
but not like a real one. I feel I would like to cry if I could, but my eyes are dry, and no tears come. Crap.
I have nothing left to say here tonight.
1/25/2004:
Took a quiz online, to determine which kind of faery folk I am. The results:
You are an Elf!
In mainly Teutonic and Norse folklore, the elves
were originally the spirits of the dead who
brought fertility. Later they became
supernatural beings, shaped as humans, who are
either very beautiful (elves of light) or
extremely ugly (dark / black elves). They were
worshipped in trees, mountains and waterfalls.
The Danish elves are beautiful creatures, but
they have hollow backs. The Celtic elves are
the size of humans.
The belief in elves, or supernatural and invisible
beings, is almost universal. Apparently, there
has been no primitive tribe or race that has
not believed at one time or another that the
world was inhabited by invisible beings.
Especially on the British Isles the belief was
very profound. In stories from the 8th and 9th
century there are many references to elves, or
fairies as they are called there. The king of
the elves, Oberon, and his wife is Titania
Which Type Of Faery Folk Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Seem tired alot lately. Not so tired early in the day, but early in the evening, like around 9 pm, I suddenly get really
sleepy. Then around 10 I get awake again, to a degree. Usually feel ready for bed around midnight. Just strange for me.
Suppose I could start listening to my body and going to sleep when it tells me it's ready. What a novel idea. Maybe I'll
even follow through with it tonight...
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
1/22/2004:
Woot :) I am now Network+ Certified :) Scored an 820 on my exam this morning, and I am very happy. Also less
stressed, and I will now be able to focus fully on my current Cisco class. Hopefully I can stay awake better tonight
during class. Still getting used to 5 hours/night, instead of our previous 3 and 1/2 per night. Think my lower
stress level will help with that as well.
Over the past couple weeks, while I've been visiting friends' houses, things have gone missing, or have shown up in
locations where people did remember placing them. In each instance, I have usually noted that perhaps the person has
inherited a faerie (or pixie/sprite). This has happened on 2 occasions that I can recall, and a 3rd that I cannot
remember the particulars of right now. The common factor in each occasion? Me. I'm starting to wonder if I
have inherited a faerie somewhere. The girl who watches me sleep (she was there last night, too, peeking out from
the darkness of the corner), she certainly has fae qualities. I hope to explore this possibility further in the coming
days.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
1/19/2004:
Had a good weekend down in Long Island, at Jen's place. I learned how to play Mahjong on friday night. It can be a lengthy
game, and is quite fun once one gets used to creating the patterns. Saturday night was the lights out party, which turned
out to be not quite as dim as I expected (we hung lights from the walls, and when they were turned on, it was quite bright).
Most dressed in all black, as the hostess requested, including myself. The night progressed as parties generally do,
with loud music being played, along with the usual drinking games. I played a few hands of Asshole myself, with Mark
offering to drink for me :) Didn't do too badly; there were 5 of us, and I held the middle spot for most of the game,
never losing more than one spot. Some others were playing 3-man, a dice game that people tend to get really wasted while
playing. There was some dancing going on during the party; Serena and I spent a good portion of time watching the girls
dance, occassionally joining in. It was quite a beautiful sight ;) I also got to meet Damien's friend Kate, whom he
brought to the party as a guest. She got along real well with everyone, fitting right in. It was nice :)
Sleeping arrangements were interesting, to say the least. And much fun :) I slept on one of the pullout couches. Serena
slept next to me, and Kate slept next to her. If you want any more details, ask. I will say this, though: we were
sleeping in the living room, with 5 others sleeping nearby. I am curious as to how things would have turned out if we had
been sleeping in a more private location. What a great night :)
Drove home yesterday, in the not-so-great weather. It was snowing when we left, and had turned to rain by the time we
got off the Island. CT had a decent amount of snow; we got less up here. Got home tired and hungry, but safe. Found
some food and spent the rest of the night playing video games, whee.
I don't know what's up with my cat lately. He feels the need to wake me up at 6 or 6:30 am every morning, for no apparent
reason. He has food, water, and clean litter. He sits on the floor and meows at me. If I pick him up, he will cuddle for
a few minutes, then get down, sit on the floor, and meow at me some more. Tonight, much as I don't want to, I am going to
shut him out of the bedroom, and we'll see how that goes. I think uninterrupted sleep would go a long way towards helping
me feel better. My stomach has been doing quite badly for the past week or so, and I'm not really sure why, but a decent
night's sleep couldn't hurt. I've been eating better, and started exercising each morning, and yet I feel worse. Will see
what this week brings. Hopefully health and happiness. Oh, had another anxiety attack today, too, while I was grocery
shopping. Had to cut my shopping short, but I got the things I really needed. I will get the rest later this week. *sigh*
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
1/18/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
1/16/2004:
I told everyone that I wasn't going to the realms last night, but I did travel there briefly. I went to see Lois, one
of the healers allied with us. I went seeking help in healing my sick body. She was happy to help me, and I was happy
to let her. I woke feeling better.
There was someone watching me as I slept this morning. Lynx alerted me to her presence, in the corner of my room where
my incense burns. I had an image of a pale girl, with long black hair, pale eyes. Her body and dress of light blue were
wispy, as she was not all there. She did not speak, only watched, and I let her. I know not her motives or reason for
curiosity, but she meant no harm to me. I will watch for her in coming nights, and see if I can learn more.
1/15/2004:
Today was to be a day of accomplishment. I got out of bed at 10:30, for my 11:00 appointment to get a strut mount
replaced on my car. I then realized that I felt absolutely wretched. All dizzy, and my stomach unhappy. Called the
repair shop to reschedule, then went back to bed for 3 hours...
Apparently I needed the sleep. I got up feeling somewhat better. At least better enough to take my car in and get it
fixed. They didn't get done with it until around 5 this evening, and I didn't feel like doing anything but coming home
and getting warm at that point, so that's what I did. At least the car is fixed now, and handles much better. Will
be good for my longish drive tomorrow to Long Island. I won't be traveling to the realms tonight. I need to keep my
health here, and my travel takes away from that, especially in these busy times.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
1/14/2004:
Kris, Roland and I puzzled about the Broken Leaf symbol (see Happenings on Dragon-Rider) last night. Through some
sketching and thinking, it was realized we were looking at a holly leaf. I'm not up on the symbolization of the holly
leaf, let alone a broken one. Research is being done, and hopefully we'll have a better idea soon.
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
1/12/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
1/8/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
1/6/2004:
Page Updates:
- updated Scribble
- updated Dragon-Rider.us (Happenings section)
- updated Pics (added Friends section, added more pics to Misc, Misty, Lynx,
and Lynx Asleep sections)
1/5/2004:
Another dreary day. The ice forming on the trees is pretty, but otherwise the day has been uninspiring so far. I did
finally get some campaign work done yesterday. Now, we just need to find a time to play. Others are busy during the week,
I'm busy on the weekends. We'll find time soon.
Concerning the new Link of the Now: some of the videos on the site are hilarious, some are merely amusing, some are
downright strange. A few are even disturbing. The Smurf video (Lost Episode), for example, has scarred me for life. Watch
it at your peril.
Page Updates:
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1/3/2004:
More anxious fun. Did go see The Last Samurai this afternoon, which is a very good film. Suffered a minor anxiety
attack at the theater, before the movie started, reoccurring a few minutes in, then settling down. Much less intense than
the one I had a few days ago, but no less disturbing. Decided to go home alone after the movie. Seemed like the best
choice at the time. Had some food, felt better for a time. Then started getting shaky and had some chills running
through my body that weren't really cold chills; some other energies at work there. Thanks to a good friend for talking
me through some things... Talking always helps the healing process, I have found. There was more I was going to write
here, but I talked it all out of my system... I'm sure there will be more soon.
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1/1/2004:
First post of the new year, yay. Partied in Long Island last night. Was mostly fun, barring the strange anxiety attack I
had around 10:30 pm. Got all nervous and shaky and thought I was going to be sick for awhile. It was really strange; I
haven't had an attack like it in years. It lasted 1/2 hour or so, and then I got better, but still felt pretty icky for
the rest of the night. Thankfully, good friends were in abundance at the party, so the good largely overwhelmed the bad
:)
Spent Christmas in VT with my family. Got to see lots of extended family, including some cousins I haven't seen in years.
Also got to hang out with Jeff and Jesse. We went and saw Return of the King again (so good!), and Jesse and I
also got a few hours of D&D in. Much fun.
I travel to dream realm near every night now. I only remember bits of what I see there, as per usual. I partook in some
sort of conflict on 12/23, and it felt more like actual combat than sparring, but I cannot get much confirmation either
way currently. My enemy was faceless, as were my allies. But that is not entirely new, either. Hope I wasn't fighting
myself. Seems silly, I know, and a waste of energy, and yet, depression has been on the rise lately within me. I do not
visit that cloudy gray place for very long, but it seems the visits have been more frequent as of late. The surface
troubles are not so large, but they are made more severe by the turbulence within me. Car difficulties. Not so bad
now. Trouble being close to my father. It has been difficult since our accident in August. I try, but I cannot
tell if he does or not. Thanksgiving was hard and painful for me at times. My visit for Christmas was much more enjoyable,
and for that I am very thankful. Missing my sister. She was unable to come home for Christmas this year. I'm not
sure when I'll get to see her again, but it will not be soon enough. I miss her more than I can put to words. I love you,
Meghan. Lack of female companionship. I love all of my friends dearly, male and female, and cherish the time I spend
with them. But the lack of a significant other with which to spend time with has been dragging on me quite heavily lately.
And of course, the one I feel closest to, and who I know I would enjoy being with, lives hundreds of miles away, and I am
here with no means to physically reach her. Thankfully, the lines of communication are open via telephone and internet,
and we make use of them when we can. I like being back in school, but damn it sometimes, for it does not allow me
to see that who I wish to. Someday, someday... And of course the culmination of such things makes it sometimes difficult
to relax, which has an adverse effect on my physical self, namely my stomach as of late.
Think that sums up the gripes for now. Thank you for listening. *hug*
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