7/19:
Made the trip to Star's place. Beautiful day. Blue sky, warm sun, mild air. Some clouds were visible, some thunderheads, but none blocked the sun, and no rain fell. Wish I had left earlier or later, because I hit some nasty beach traffic, but I was never stopped long, and it didn't make me dislike the drive.

Biggest problem was the headache I developed near the end. Plus, my stomach has been unwell all week, and yesterday seemed no exception. It did calm down once I arrived and used Aleve to get rid of the headache, allowing me to eat some real food (turkey sub & fries). Had fun hanging out with Star, Nick, and Terry and Mike for a bit. Met Sarah. Slept very well on her air mattress.

7/20:
Another beautiful day. Star, Nick, Bobbi, Carrie, and I went to the beach. Was nice until we got about a mile from the beach, then we hit a big fogbank. Whole beach and picnic area was shrouded with it. We still had a good time, if not as sunny or hot as we had hoped. We still swam, me less than the others. Surprised myself by going in all the way, and playing in the waves. Water wasn't as cold as I thought it would be, though it was still mighty chilly. Getting out was pretty cold, too, especially when the breeze picked up.

Took a nice walk by myself on the beach. Needed some "me" time. Would think I'd get enough of it, living alone, but this was different. Different time, different setting, and Starwood looming on the horizon.

It was decided Nick would drive, since he knows the way, and could us there quicker. I rode shotgun, of course. Motion sickness didn't get to me too badly, thankfully.

Why am I so damn anxious all the time? If I could learn to really relax for a little while, I'd probably feel a whole lot better. I can relax for moments, but I need to concentrate to do it. A few minutes after I stop concentrating, I'm all tightened up again. I think it might be a control issue, too. I like to be in control of situations. I don't get motion sick when I drive. Why? Because I'm in control of the motion. Although I guess that doesn't add up entirely, because swings make me sick, too, and, well, every other kind of fast motion except driving. So I don't know.

But it's annoying. I feel like such an inconvenience sometimes, always having to drive places, only being able to eat the same select foods all the time, not liking to go out much because I get anxious, nervous, and sick. *sigh*

Someone I can relax and go out with would be a bonus, but what I really need to do is just relax. This coming week will hopefully allow me to do just that, at Starwood.

7/21:
Star is now emancipated. I am very happy for her. She is not as nervous today; to me she feels more like herself.

The drive out to Starwood was mostly uneventful. We hit some torrential downpours, but they did not impede our progress too much. Total trip time, including stops: 10 and 1/2 hours - 668 miles.

Got to see Brett, Heather, Donn, and Aria when arriving. Decided not to set up tent in the wet dark. Slept in Heather and Donn's tent. Gnome Dome - sensual, wild.

7/22:
Set up tent. Area is nice, shaded from elements. Rain started again shortly after, rained for 4 hours.
Met: Lisa, Colette, Kevin, Barbara from Ohio.
Met: Minion. Interesting to talk to. Many experiences. Soft spoken. Guardian aspects.

Opening circle. Danced, held hands, got a taste of Starwood energy.
Danced at drum circle. Loved it. So many beautiful and wonderful people here. Everyone possesses an open mind and most are willing to talk about most anything. Saw Mark G., whom I work with. Small world. Spent day with Lisa and Colette. Danced at Didge Dome for awhile. Relaxing day. Found out tent leaks, though not much. Still comfy & cozy.

7/23:
Long day, but good.
Met: Eric & Jeff from Toronto.
Met: Debby from Albany. Gave email address. Cute, beautiful body. 30. Practicing Stragan (Italian witch), as her grandmother was. Catlike. Gentle lover. Tastes good.

-Attended: Broken Glass and Talking Bones, a talk about city spirits and deities. Presenter from Worcester. Got her business card. Interesting discussion. Heart of city as a deity -> city or town common. Offerings of food & drink. When first moving to a city, praying to the spirit that oversees the city, offering it substance, can help with finding shelter and employment. City deities: Squat, Screw, Slick, Sarge. Spirits are drawn to those places that were most familiar in life. Ghosts vs. Haunts: Ghosts are sentient beings that can be communicated with. Haunts are like broken records, or a tape that keeps running over and over again. Cannot be communicated with; cannot be asked to leave; usually need to be banished in order to get rid of them.

-Attended: Psychic Healing Circle. Rebecca Crystal. Wonderful, powerful, lighthearted attitude, funny. Said she could help me. I brought up my nervousness, my perpetual anxiety. She touched my chest, above my heart, immediately asked, "what are you doing here?", as in, 'why are you here on this earth, when you should have followed a different path?' She told me I almost died at birth. (I have since spoken to my Mom about this, and she said I was born very healthy; in fact, my eyes were open and I was aware of my surroundings before I was even fully birthed, which adds some interesting bits to this whole scenario). Said I should be an angel. That would explain the wings. And why I feel so out of place sometimes. Lots to think about. I wish to seek Rebecca out again before I leave Starwood. She also said I need to open up to new things. And take a bath with bath toys. Toy boats, perhaps.

-Attended: Reiki Healing Circle. Rosa Castro. Learned not to try and focus my healing energies on a specific spot. Rather, let the energies flow to the needful body, and the body/mind/spirit will decide where the energy is needed most, and apply it there. Sent healing energy to Nana.

Worked 5 - 6:30 watching/playing with kids at Kid Village.
Worked 6:30 - 7:15 spreading wood chips, to soak up some of the wetness out at the Puffer Dome.
Met: Scott. Talked about music artists.
Met: Cat. Beautiful soul. Cute. Playful. She kissed my heart.
Danced at fire from 10 pm until 3 am. Clothes got soaked in rain. Debby came back to tent with me. So wonderful to have warm body to snuggle with. And kiss. And bite.

7/24:
-Attended: Issues in Pagan Theology. Ian Corrigan. Interesting talk. Being Pagan = actions/practices, not just beliefs ("armchair pagan"?). Term "supernatural" not relevant, because all things, physical, magical, spiritual, come from nature and are therefore natural.
Different personal definitions of "divine". me.
-Attended: Chi Kung: The Shen Set. Billy Woods. Healing the body through meditative gestures and rhythmic breathing. Use of chakras. Martial arts base.

Took a 2 hour walk with Colette. We left Starwood and walked up and down the road, talking about all manner of things. The subject I remember most is that of the different aspects that make us up. I am human, that I do not deny. But there are non-human aspects to me: those of wolf, for example, and fae. This is not to say I am fae; I just have some fae spirit within. Colette has some fae spirit in her, too. I can see it now; somehow I could not then.

Heather & Donn's trip to retrieve Heather's son Jared was successful, so he is now at the festival. Good. Whole family here now. I still think Heather has it partially in her head that her son and I are 2 parts of the same spirit. yes, we have a lot in common; yes, some of those things are uncanny in their similarity, but we are still 2 separate individuals. And yes, Heather, I know I still need to train Jared and Aria before the coming conflict. It will be done.

More rain tonight. Donn thinks it is because so many people have been trying to affect the weather, to stop the rain, instead of letting it blow over naturally. I am inclined to agree with this, and echo it to others during the day.

7/25:
-Attended: Shielding. Ron Walks With Fire & his partner Raven. Discussions of different types of shields, and practice in generating personal shields. Started out, through group focus, by generating a fire shield over the pavilion, to keep out energies that may disrupt us while we are practicing, while still allowing latecomers to enter and join us under the roof.

Fire Shield (red/orange energies):
Good for keeping out unwanted energies by burning them up. A better way is to use it as a purifier: negative energy hits the shield, and its negative properties are burned away. The remaining energy can be used to power the shield. If powering a fire shield using your own energy, be prepared to drink extra water; powering this type of shield can dehydrate you.

Water Shield (blue energies):
Can be used to block emotional attacks. Good for empaths like myself. Emotional energies striking this shield are washed away from the bearer. Some of these energies can remain attached to the outside of the shield. Before letting a water shield dissipate, it is a good idea to take a cleansing shower first, to clear it (the shield) of any negative emotional energies.

Air Shield (white energies):
Can be used as a masking shield, to make the user appear less descript. For example, when traveling through a bad section of town, an air shield could make a person less noticeable to those around him. Not invisible; more like part of the scenery, nothing unusual. Another version of this shield is as a mirror, to reflect energies back to their source. One needs to be careful when deploying an air shield in this way. If someone is angry with you, this is usually not the best idea, because throwing anger back at them is only going to make them more angry. A water shield might better in that situation, to keep oneself calm while talking the other person out of their anger. What works for me may not work for you. Just suggestions and ideas, take them for what you will :)

Earth Shield (brown/green energies):
Can be used to deflect and protect against physical harm. Has the effect of giving the user a more powerful sense of presence to those around him. Not a good shield to use if one is trying to hide or disguise his/her presence. Good for keeping others out of your personal space.

Shields can be combined for a variety of uses. The use of shields is considered magical when two or more shields are combined.

If you connect empathically with someone while you are shielded, you will end up enveloping them in your shield, too. Not helpful if they are the ones you are shielding from.

Shielding takes practice. Many of us do it every day, in small amounts, without realizing it. A shield does not have to be focused on all the time to remain active. It is important to keep focused when creating the shield, but once it has been created, your subconscious can keep it up, and then a conscious check every once in awhile is all that is necessary. When first practicing with shielding, you will find yourself checking often, but as you grow accustomed to using your shields, it will be easier to let your subconscious mind keep an eye on them.

One can power his/her shields in a variety of ways. The easiest way to learn is to power them yourself, using your own energy (you can pull some from the earth to supplement your energies for this purpose). You can also charge crystals or other talismans with this energy, and use them to help provide shield energy, especially in cases where you need a shield, but are low on personal energy for any reason. Also, spirit guides can sometimes be called on to help when erecting a shield. You just need to experiment and find what method is best for you.


Learned that tattoos of spirits/deities on one's body means that spirit/deity can tap you whenever they wish, and it is nearly impossible to prevent that touch.

-Attended: Past Life Work Through the Chakras. Rosa Castro.
Focus person can be anyone, even myself. Chosen focus person: Colette. Focus ages: 5, 15, then major event. Solar plexus chakra is flashlight when exploring past lives in this way.
Meditate, relax. Surround self, cover body with (chosen relaxing color) forest green. Travel to woodland path, go through door. Leads to square room, 12 doors - 3 per side. Entrance door at center of room. Walls white. Earth floor. Entrance door black on this side. Ambient soft yellow light from no source. Ceiling not visible; roof nonexistent.

Each door different. If I came in facing north, the first door I chose was on the east wall, northmost door. 1st chosen door: deep purple, wood, scarred under the paint. Black, open eye painted on the door. Carved symbol, white, under eye, resembles an upside-down capital A. 2nd chosen door on east wall, southernmost door. 2nd door: wood, smooth, painted bright red. Symbol painted in black at center of top half of door looks like the Tiwaz rune, but the right side is longer than the left side.

Through 1st door:
Dusk after a light summer rain. Standing in a field of thigh-high grass. Light fog. Visibility ~ 100 feet in any direction, hazy after that. Can see a small cabin in the distance, painted white, weathered. It has been there for many years. I am Irish, 19 years of age. Blonde curly hair, bright blue eyes, fair skin, well toned, slim body. I wear a kilt of yellow, black, and red colors. There is a samurai blade strapped across my back. It is 734 C.E.

A party, to celebrate our victory in a recent battle. I see Colette walking towards me. She looks much the same as she does now, but her eyes are a bright green. She wears a flowing white dress, and walks tall and proud. She walks directly towards me; I smile at her, and she walks directly past me. I realize she was not looking at me after all; she was looking at someone behind me. One of our strong leaders.

I am killed in the next battle, impaled by a daikatana, which pierces my heart.

I pull away from the scene, back to the room of 12 doors.

Through 2nd door:
Walking on a warm, sandy beach, listening to the ocean nearby. Blue sky, bright sun, no clouds. The year is 1920. I'm in America, not sure of state. Do not focus on what I look like; I just am. There is Colette, blonde this time, walking past me. That is all the time I spend here. Then, back to 12 doors again, then back to self.

Still surrounded by chosen color. Picture rainbow. Immerse self in each color, in turn, then place bands of color on parts of body.
Red = lower back ; Orange = below navel ; Yellow = solar plexus ; Green = heart ; Light Blue = throat ; Indigo = 3rd eye ; Purple = crown/top of head.


Met: Gillian. Pretty. Healing touch. Gives wonderful hugs. Saw her first at Psychic Healing Circle, but not properly introduced. Phoenix tattoo. She had to burn her old self and rebuild to earn that symbol. She has done a good job so far, but there is still work to do. Close friend of Minion.
Met: Kim. Extremely gifted tattoo artist. Did Heather's, Brett's, and Star's tattoos.
Met: Melanie. Kim's girlfriend. First met her at Psychic Healing Circle, but didn't catch her name. Cute.

Went to see tree, which is anchored in both this world and the dream realm. Heather, Jared, Aria, Donn, Minion, Colette, and I. Someone had camped in front of the tree, so we couldn't get to it. Heather & Donn were pissed. No need to be. It's a beautiful spot, and it's not our tree. We will visit on another weekend.
-Attended: Hold Well the Ram's Horn!. New Orleans Voodoo. Voodoo Ritual to honor Ogun. Led by Priestess Miriam. Thought it would be interesting, so I attended, not knowing anything in advance. Nice drumming and dancing, but I wasn't interested enough to stay for more than an hour. Started at midnight. I stayed until 1 am, then walked to the drumming circle. Danced around the fire for 1/2 hour, talked to Donn and Cussina, then walked off to find bed. Found Colette on the way. Walked around Starwood with her for awhile, talking, then I went to bed, exhausted. She stayed up and danced to the techno beat playing at the Tiki party.

7/26:
Woke up tired. Don't feel very motivated at all today. Overcast. Wandered around Starwood, didn't see anyone I knew. Went back to River's camp. Empty. Sat down and waited for others to come to me. Donn showed up within 5 minutes. We bantered a bit, then he wandered off. River and his friend came by, then Brett and Kitty. All are feeling the downturn of energy as well. Formally met Kitty. Had seen each other, knew names, just hadn't introduced selves. Wandered with Brett and Kitty. Kitty made comment about dragging us into the bushes. Neither of us would mind. She is cute. Kitty had to work, so we parted. Left Brett with Donn. Stopped by Kim's. Heather was getting her tattoo finished. Met Mr. Matt and Chris. Chris is a beautiful egyptian. I say that in the most heterosexual way possible. Walked with Heather to pick up Jared and Aria from Kid Village. Wandered, chatted.

-Attended: Aleister Crowley: Nature of the Beast. Richard Kaczynski, author of a new book detailing Crowley's life. I don't recall the title. Was an interesting discussion, detailing Crowley's life. Richard also answered questions about some myths surrounding Crowley and his travels. I went in knowing next to nothing about him, so it was all news to me. Sat on a rock for the discussion, left with a wet, sore ass. Definitely bringing a camp chair next year.

Wandered more. Found Colette. Walked & talked. Got a tasty veggie wrap from cafe, took it back to Colette's camp to eat. Chatted until dark, then wandered down to main pavilion. Saw Heather, Jared, Aria there.

Joined crowd to walk to big bonfire setup. Watched dancers dance, performers perform. Firebreathers and fire twirlers/jugglers were especially interesting. Giant puppets were awesome. Beauty and complexity of the fire, when lit, was breathtaking. Pyre was probably 20 feet high. Fireworks had been added when the pyre was constructed, for wonderful effects. Also, sometimes the flame burned green or blue. Very beautiful. I danced, marched, skipped, and pranced around the fire. I felt the energies in and around me, from the blaze and from all the others gathered there. I did circles with Debbie, with Colette and Lisa, with Jared. I told Cat how beautiful she looked. I saw Rebecca Crystal and talked for a bit, but didn't bring up anything from earlier in the week. I smiled, I grinned. I stepped on embers that burned me. I watched the fire sprites at play; I witnessed a beautiful firestorm. I played with the wind spirits, danced with them, felt their soft fingers caressing my own. I let my fae aspects come out. I felt free and merry. I felt whole. I love this place.

7/27:
Time to go home. Torrential downpours. Water everywhere. Had to break down tent in the rain. Got soaked. Said my goodbyes to Colette, Lisa, Kevin, Barb, River, Brett, Heather, Jared, and Aria. The others were nowhere around that I could find. Star was sleeping in my car, all packed up. We headed out at 2:45 pm. Long drive, mostly uneventful. I spent a lot of time thinking about a lot of things. Star slept most of the way. I missed Star's exit by about 20 miles, being very out of it. Arrived at Star's at 2 am. Helped her carry her stuff in. Washed hands, washed face, brushed teeth, passed out in Star's bed for 10 hours, waking only briefly to pet the cat. Total travel time, with stops: 11 hours, 15 minutes - 710 miles. Hell of a long day.

7/28:
Drove home. Uneventful 3 and 1/2 hours. Traffic wasn't too bad. Unpacked car. Left wet tent and tarp in trunk. Will have to dry later. Unpacked, relaxed. Watched Spirited Away.

-- End Starwood journal, but the experience will remain forever, and for that I am thankful.