12/18/2002:
Still tired, though my headaches are better lately (i.e. almost nonexistent). Finally obtained all of Evangelion, so I have taken to watching an episode or so per night lately. I have so far completed Episode 4, and tonight maybe I'll get to watch Episode 5 :)

Looking forward to the weekend. Friday, headed to NH to celebrate Winter Solstice (Yule) with River and Brett (and perhaps others). On Saturday, I get to spend time with my good friend Jeff, see his new place, meet some of his new friends, and hopefully see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers! Hopefully will have time to update when I return, before I head to VT for 5 days for Christmas :)

Page Updates:
-Updated Scribble

12/15/2002:
Another good weekend gone by. Spent Friday and Saturday in Maine, visiting Star. Was really great to see her again. Was good to hang out and see her new place. Things are going fairly well for her, and I hope they continue to.

Was afraid that I wasn't going to get to take my trip last weekend; my car was being a pain in the ass. Took it for a routine oil change on Wednesday, and found out the engine was leaking oil out of one side and coolant out of the other. Replacing the manifold gasket fixed that. Then, on thursday, the alternator died, and I had to leave my car overnight in the RCN lot, then have it towed back to the garage on Friday morning (got up at 8 to get that done). After that repair, it appears to be running well now. I did make it to Maine and back without any problems, so that is a good sign.

Been a week since an update, so trying to think of any news I have... Oh, yes: poem stuff. I got a thing in my email entitled "Poetry contest - win $$$". Probably a hoax, but I figured what the heck, so I went to the site, pasted "Impaled on a Pole" (which can be found in the Scribble section) into the form, filled out the rest, and sent it off. I got a letter in the mail last week regarding the poem, stating I have been entered to win a $1000 prize, and possibly the $10,000 grand prize. Plus, my poem will be entered into the next book of poems that is published by this organization (I don't have to pay for publication, but of course they want me to buy one of the books, which I don't plan on doing - no $ left after fixing car, and still have Christmas presents to buy).

Oh, got back after my trip to find that my secondary computer doesn't work right now. One of Nikki's friends used it while I was gone, and did something to IE, and now it doesn't work. It opens up and then IE just freezes, and task manager reports that IE is not responding. I'm not mad; just kind of annoyed. I try to maintain my computers and keep them running the best I can, and generally I do a good job of it. Plus, I really don't like people using my computers when I'm not home. Won't have that problem now, since I'll be locking them when I leave. Never felt I would have to do so, but to prevent further problems, I'm going to start doing it, at least for awhile. We'll see how it goes. Hopefully IE will be an easy fix. I'll work on that this evening, when I get home.

I think that covers the news. Exciting, eh?

I'm tired. I'm always tired at work, I'm coming to realize. I don't find it overly stressful, but I have energy when I'm at home, and as soon as I get here, I'm tired. I need to make some changes. Exercise would be good, but there are other things I wish to do. Where exercise is concerned, I think getting back into the martial arts would be my best bet. I love it, just lacking funds to take the classes right now. Hopefully, in the next couple months, I will have enough funds to start taking classes again at a local dojo (there are several nearby). It has been several years since I've trained in anything like that, and I'm already looking forward to getting back into it.

Where other changes are concerned: I really want to get back into studying various magical arts and forms. Rune magic is where I started, and it is there that I wish to return to at first. I have the books, the runes, and the time; I just need to do it, instead of lazing around at my computer when I get home each night. Granted, it's relaxing for me to do, but it's not increasing my knowledge of the magical arts in the least. The only mystic knowledge I am receiving is coming from the infrequent chats about various subjects, with various people, and from my dreams. I would like to be more learned in many things, and research and experience are the only ways I am going to gain that knowledge. Hopefully I'll have a useful update on my progress in these things (or any update at all) in the near future.

12/08/2002:
Spent a very relaxing and enjoyable weekend at home. I finally completed Dungeon Siege on friday, and I am very happy about that. Got to play some UT and UT2k3 with my clan on friday, saturday, and today, so that was also good stuff. Most importantly, I got to spend quality time with Nikki, which almost never happens. We got to talk about stuff, and even ate dinner together last night, while watching Reign of Fire (which was entertaining; the plot was a bit lacking, but the dragons were realistic in appearance and motion). A very good weekend, for sure :)

Had another player join our D&D campaign last thursday. We are now at a grand total of 5 players (plus me as DM), all currently at 3rd level: Dwarven monk, Elven rogue/sorcerer, Human druid, Half-elven ranger/sorcerer, and our newest addition, an Elven cleric. A very diverse party, and very formidable. When they set their minds to something, it tends to get done, whether it's stealth, information gathering, or full frontal assault :) A very fun group to be playing with; there hasn't been a single session yet where everyone didn't have fun, and that's what it's all about :)

Page Updates:
- Updated the Link of the Now
- Added link to awesome IP tools page and link to tech reference page on the Links page, under "Misc Tech Links" section.


12/03/2002:
The blind man from the the outer realms came to me last night. He spoke to me about the training process and what I need to teach young Jared. I also had some earth spirits visit and advise me on some of my meditations. More on that tomorrow if I have time. I worked 12 and 1/2 hours today on about 5 hours of sleep. I'm exhausted and I'm going to bed.


12/01/2002:
Had a very good weekend up in VT. We had a white Thanksgiving :) It was a welcome sight...hopefully Christmas will be even whiter, and I'll actually get to go snowmobiling :) Got to see my family and friends up in VT, although I do wish I would have had another couple of days to spend there. But alas, work calls, and I come back to it. Christmas in less than a month, and I have 5 days off for that, so I'll be home again soon enough :)

The drive home also proved to be interesting - I usually take Rte 30, but it was raining when I left, and I figured it'd be snowing hard on Stratton, and I didn't want to deal with it. So I took Rte 140 to 103 instead...and got snowed on anyway. Then, after the snow, came the fog. I spent about 1/2 my trip home with less than 100' of visibility. It was quite interesting, and probably not as scary as it should have been.

Work this week is going to be fairly stressful for my physical self. Today I work a normal shift, so not so bad (though I do need to get to bed much earlier than usual tonight). Tomorrow, I work just 1/2 day, which will be nice; but Tuesday and Wednesday, I need to be at work at 8 am (ugh - not gonna be pretty) for voice/video training, so I can support all of RCN's product line, not just internet, as I have been doing for the past 2 years... Alot of info to learn, but I'm looking forward to gaining the knowledge.

So, going to be stressed out physically, as my body is used to getting up around 12 - 1 pm, and I'm going to be getting up at ~ 6 am for 2 straight days (not sure about Thursday yet, but think I'm back to my normal shift on that day). This week is probably not going to be very good for updates...


11/27/2002:
It got brutally cold overnight, and very snowy too. Got about 5" of snow last night. Wasn't too bad out when I went to move my car so they could plow the lot, but damn was it cold when I walked outside to drive to work. Can't wait to see what it will be like at 1 am when I get out of here...and head to VT! Can't wait... :)

Page Update: Updated Dream Log (finally). Added entries for 4/29/2002 and 11/27/2002 (all entries listed in reverse chronological order).


11/26/2002:
Pretty swamped at work. Not too much to note. Very anxious to go to VT this weekend. Going to be great seeing everyone.

Another side note from last weekend: friend Amy said I may be the only one she knows who is more catlike than her. This got me to thinking, and made me realize how much feline energy I really have about me. Another thing that will need to be meditated on and looked into...

Page Update: Updated Link of the Now


11/25/2002:
Been a very long day at work. Any time that I haven't been taking calls, I've been rooting through the trouble ticket bin, updating TTs, assigning TTs, kicking back TTs... NOC has been pissing me off with some of their responses, and agents who do not call to have their tickets reviewed and routed are also annoying me - they don't call, so the TTs sit in the bin hours more than they should, until someone like me comes along and notices them there. Argh. And I used to have one of those stress balls, up until about 10 minutes ago. It was one of those soft ones, filled with sand. I just overstressed it, and it blew a hole on one side. Now there is sand all over the place - in my shoes, in my backpack, on the floor, in my keyboard, on my desk... I don't think stress balls are supposed to explode. Of course, I didn't think water snakes were supposed to explode, either, and Jesse proved me wrong on that one quite some time ago.

Ok, things have been cleaned up. Still some sand on my keyboard tray, but it will have to stay there for now. Hey! I can imagine I'm at the beach! All the sand, and no sunburn!

I need a vacation. Wait, I have a long weekend coming up! Yay!

11/24/2002:
At this rate, might have to change the title of this section to "weekly grind". Ah, well.

Anyhow, got some stuff to post now. Had my first experience at jury duty last week. It was really boring. Sat in the jury waiting room from 8 am until about noon, then went down the courtroom, sat there for 10 minutes or so. I didn't get picked to be on a jury, so I went back up to the waiting room, sat there until 12:45 or so, then got excused for lunch, to return at 2 pm. Came back at 2, sat around some more, then got excused for the day around 2:30. Yay. At least I don't have to worry about going again for at least another 3 years, and who knows where I'll be by then.

Last weekend was really good. The Marist College Computer Society sponsored a LAN party on Marist College campus, and Amy invited me down, so I decided to truck my computer down there to attend that. It was well worth it; I had a blast. Played ~4 hours of UT2k3, and represented Clan Apoc well, if I do say so myself. Played straight deathmatch, and there were only 2 games where I didn't come in 1st, and those were close. Hopefully even pulled some new clan recruits out of the deal, which would be awesome. There were also a bunch of consoles there; some games were being projected onto large screens, and that was really sweet. I got to play Guilty Gear X, Dead or Alive 3, Tekken 4, and even some Super Smash Brothers Melee. Good times all around, even if I did get my ass handed to me playing most of the console games :)

Can't remember what time exactly we left the LAN party, but I was real sleepy. Moved computers back to Jen & Amy's, then proceeded to watch the last hour or so of The Shining, which happened to be on TV, even though we were all exhausted. Finally got to sleep around 6 am.

Saturday, a party and Jen & Amy's. Got to hang out with some good friends for awhile there, some who I hadn't seen in awhile. Played some Puzzle Bobble IV and Tekken 3, chatted, had a good time. Oh, and played Dance Dance Revolution (4th mix) for my first time ever. I can see how people get addicted to the game. It's fun, and a decent cardio workout too. I left there around midnight, right around the time the party population doubled with the arrival of a bunch more people, none of whom I knew. Reading peoples' away messages this morning, seems I missed out on some crazy stuff, though I haven't gotten any details as of yet. I'm sure those will come later...

Got a bit of sad news this morning: my parents' horse, Tonto, had to be put down yesterday. He was getting really sick, and my parents and the vet tried to help him out, but I imagine it was just preventing the inevitable, so they decided to let him go. I feel a sadness about this. Everytime we rode, I liked riding Tonto; he was my buddy, a friend, and a pain in the ass sometimes - but what good friend isn't? I will miss him dearly.

11/17/2002:
Another good weekend, which I spent hanging out with a bunch of friends. We hung out Friday evening, ordered out for pizza and subs, then went bowling at Northampton Bowl and had a great time (it was Disco Bowl night). I bowled a 156 one game, which I think is the best I've ever done; and I think Dave could have broken 200 if they hadn't shut down the scoreboards and basically kicked us out at 12:55 (which sucked; we were all anxious to see if he could break 200 - he was at 177 when the scoreboard stopped recording scores).

On Saturday we went and saw Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets which I found to be quite good. Would have been an even better experience if the kids behind us had stopped talking throughout most of the movie (even after several stern-talking-to's by both Mark and Dave, they wouldn't shut up for more than 10 minutes). Ah well, guess if we didn't want to deal with kids, we could have gone to a later showing, but the matinee prices are so much less expensive!

On the way home from dinner on Saturday, we rented Super Troopers, which was strange, but funny. And of course, some of the weekend was devoted to playing video games. N64, Gamecube, and PS2 all found their way into my living room for the weekend, so much fun was had all around. There was of course some Super Smash Brothers Melee on the 'Cube, and some old Super Smash Brothers on the N64. Chris got accepted into the beta for EQOA on PS2, so we hooked that up to my network and got to see how the game is coming along. As always with these guys, all in all a very fun weekend :)

Oh, and to top it off, Jeff, a very very good friend of mine, called me this morning :) We haven't spoken in months, and it was wonderful to hear from him. I will be seeing him during my 3-day vacation for Thanksgiving, and I can't wait! I will also get to see my sister Meghan, whom I haven't seen in many months! ;)

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Looks like there's a pretty spectacular meteor shower that is going to be happening early Tuesday morning. Hopefully I'll get to see some of it, but with the way the clouds have been hanging over the area for the past few days, I'm not sure if I'll get any view at all. Guess I'll just have to see what the sky looks like when the time comes. Full moon this wednesday night, too, which I'm also hoping to get a look at. I'm going to feel it, regardless, but I like to gaze upon it as well...

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Oh, and I picked up Dragon Warrior again, after putting it down for a couple weeks or so. Current status: 18th level, wielding Eldrick's Sword, wearing Eldrick's armor, and carrying the Silver Shield. The Dragonlord already kicked my ass once (when I was 17th). Going to try and finish it tonight, since my offensive power went up 12 points upon obtaining 18th ;)

11/11/2002:
Had a wonderful weekend visiting with a friend whom I do not see nearly enough. Went to dinner friday night, watched Empire Records, then watched episodes of The Simpsons while we chatted long into the night. We followed this up by sleeping in on Saturday :)

The sky has been supernaturally stormy the past couple of days. This coincides with the storm brewing in some of the other planes/ realms, which I have been feeling for the past 3 days. Something big is building, and things are changing, but I can't get a bead onto what it is or what it means...only that it's going to be one hell of a storm when it breaks. Smells like battle to me. More on that when I know more.

The tree at Brushwood (where we went while I was out near Buffalo on my vacation) has been the focus of my thoughts for the past few minutes. It is an anchor between this world and others, and it has something to do with the storm that is brewing. Again, more when I know more. If anyone has any info or speculation, feel free to write me.

Oh, yes, and then there are the ravens. I saw a cloud of them on my way to work yesterday (there must have been 200 - 300 of them); they were circling around a factory in true horror-story fashion. As I drove by, they ceased their circling and flew over and ahead of me, then flew out over the water of the Connecticut river and to the north. I saw them again today, near downtown Springfield, as I neared RCN. There were fewer this time, perhaps 100, and as I neared they took wing from the nearby trees and again flew towards the north.

In gaming news, an alpha version of Doom 3 was leaked to the public a few days ago.

Page Update: Updated Link of the Now

11/9/2002:
Finally posted the Halloween Pictures from the party last weekend.

Page Update: Added Pics link to sidebar. Right now, only Halloween pics are located there, but hopefully I can get some other ones up there soon.

11/6/2002:
Have actually found myself too busy this week to update. Tonight I have some time, but a headache makes me not want to look at the screen, so maybe I'll update later, when I get home from work, but I'll have to see how I feel.

11/3/2002:
Had an excellent time at the Halloween party I attended in CT this past weekend. Got to see some friends whom I hadn't seen in awhile (always too long between viewings), hang out, play some video games (as always), eat good food, listen to good music, and have a good time. I went as a priest who was a recent vampire victim. We had a ghost there, an alien, a wizard, a bookcase, Link, Lara Croft, and even Hugh Hefner showed up :)

I will hopefully have a few pictures soon that I can post here for your viewing enjoyment :)

Page Update: Added new sub-section to the Mystic section: Planar Travel. It's still a work in progress, and I plan on finishing it by the end of this week. Any questions, you know how to reach me.

11/1/2002:
Yes, yes, was going to make one big post about my vacation but decided not to. All relevant information will eventually be posted, either here in the daily section, or on other parts of my page, which I will point to with links, here, in the daily section ;) In fact, you may not even wish to read yesterday's post. I just read over it, and it's quite confusing. Guess that's what happens when I try to update while overtired :/

Will post again after the weekend is done, and then I may have even MORE stuff to post, as I will have attended a costume party which should prove to be quite interesting :)

Page Update: Updated the Link of the Now to reflect something Halloween-ish.

10/31/2002:
Still trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings about my vacation over the past 6 days. It was such an excellent time that words cannot even describe how I feel about some aspects of it, but I'll do my best ;) My beliefs about how some things work were tried; some were solidified, others molded and changed, all for the better, I feel. Hopefully while writing and pondering what went on I will be motivated to finally round out the Mystic section of my site. We will see...

Ok, I started to write this twice now, and just dunno where to start. Guess the beginning is good...

Thursday, drove up to NH, picked up Brett and Star, then came back down, took up Rte. 90 West and drove...and drove...and drove. I drove for 13 hours that day. That is more than I ever want to drive again anytime in the future. Funny thing is, I didn't even know Brett or Star before I picked them up. Heather and Donn -- the friends I was going to visit -- knew them, but since I was coming out there anyway, and they lived so much closer to here than there, it only made sense that I pick them up, so I did. Strange thoughts, as I was driving up to get them, the biggest one being, "I'm driving 2 and 1/2 hours (5 hours total) out of my way to pick up 2 people that not only do I not know, I know nothing about." But it's one of those "believing in your friends" deals; Heather said they were cool, so that's what I went on. And it turned out to be so worth it. From the minute I walked in the door, I knew I had instantly made 3 new friends of these wonderful people (Brett and Star, and River, whose apartment I picked them up at). Thus joined, and part of an instant bond that I couldn't describe then, we set out on our wonderful journey ;)

Too much description? Maybe. I dunno. I'm tired and I will pick this up again tomorrow (which will actually still be today, it being 3 am at this point). Damn 2nd shift fucking with my sense of time. I usually don't even know what day it is.

I'll just tack the stuff tomorrow onto this post...just make it one big post about the vacation, and will probably just keep changing the posting date as I go along...

10/23/2002:
I know, I said new section this week... I must apologize, as it's not going to happen this week; just too much going on. Tomorrow I get up at 10ish am (~3 hours early), and I will hopefully get out of my apartment and be on the road to Buffalo by 11. I will be back early next week, and will hopefully have interesting things to write then, along with adding my new section ;)

Will keep you posted...(whoever still reads this)

10/21/2002:
Another long time between updates...just hasn't really been much to say as of late. I've been chatting online with some good friends more and more lately. It helps to alleviate some of the loneliness I've been feeling as of late. Other than that, not much for news. Stayed home last weekend, played a lot of UT and UT2003 with my clan members, and had a good, relaxing time of it.

This coming Thursday, I leave to travel out to Buffalo to visit some good friends there (they are family to me, on a spiritual level) whom I haven't seen in over 2 and 1/2 years, and I am greatly looking forward to it. I'm going to be out there for 4 or 5 days, so it will be a good vacation away from work for that time.

I am planning on adding a new section to my site here; hopefully I'll get to start working on it tomorrow. I just can't do it tonight; my eyes hurt too much, and they keep drying out. Going to go back to reading Floating Dragon now, which is written by Peter Straub, and has been good reading so far.

Be updating again very soon...

10/15/2002:
Progress Quest is my latest funny thing. It's a text-based parody on MMORPG's that plays itself, and it's funny as all hell to watch. The items, monsters, and spells have very innovative (read: hilarious) names, and it's strangely addicting to just sit and watch the "game" play itself...

Page Update: Updated Music section of interests page (added more bands).

10/14/2002:
Has it really been 5 days since I updated? Apparently so...
Had a good weekend down in CT. Got to see some very good friends, though some that were supposed to be there didn't show up (slackers) . Overall a good time of hanging out, chatting, meeting some new people, and playing some Mario Cart 64 :) Looking forward immensely to the next CT party, which will have a Halloween theme, and hopefully everyone who was supposed to show up last weekend will actually show up for this one... Now I just need to figure out what my costume is going to be...

Was starting to think it was never going to stop raining. Rained for 4 days...now back to sunny again, but air is getting colder each day. Soon will be freezing rain...then sleet...then snow. Hopefully we'll actually get some snow this year (as opposed to the piddly amount last year provided us). I want to go skiing (haven't been in 2 years) and snowmobiling (only got to go once last year) up in VT this year, and I have some friends that must come up and go snowmobiling this year (you know who you are...and anyone else reading this who wants to come, just let me know).

Was reading the depressing news about the sniper in MD. Really, people, what the hell is going on? It saddens and depresses me that these things happen, and it saddens me further to contemplate what it means for us (humanity as a whole - whatever we are, we are mostly human, whether we wish to admit it or not sometimes, myself included).

Can't think of much else to say right now...

Current music stuck in head: Stone Sour - "Bother"

Page Updates: Updated Link of the Now

10/09/2002:
I am sick of work today already, and I've been here less than 4 hours. The company just migrated tons of data to new database, and a lot of it migrated badly. This pretty much means fixing it on a case-by-case basis (account by account). Yay. At least I'm working for my pay, and I guess getting a sense of accomplishment out of the day, but I wouldn't have to do this stuff if it had been done right the first time...

On a brighter note, attending a housewarming-type party in CT this weekend, and looking forward to it immensely. Will have more to note after the weekend, I'm sure.

Dragon Warrior update: Level 15, Flame Sword, Magic Armor, Silver Shield. Woohoo! Let's hear it for NES (not to be confused with Ness, an entirely separate entity...though you can cheer for him too if you wish).

Page Update: Updated Link of the Now

10/06/2002:
Had a good weekend. Got to spend time with Mom, Dad, and Nana (my grandmother), who is visiting from Florida for a couple of weeks. I always enjoy my time spent up in Vermont; it's always relaxing, and I always eat so much better up there. Think the clean VT air helps alot. The general lack of stress is probably a big factor too.

I got back from VT around midnight last night, and got a very welcome surprise: a very good friend of mine was online, and I hadn't seen or talked to her for months. We had a very good conversation, and I even got to talk to her again this afternoon before I came to work. Made me feel so happy to talk to her again. Also reinforced how much I miss her... Maybe I'll even get to see her sometime soon. That would be amazingly good, I think, for both of us.

While I was in VT, we had a good-sized wind/rain storm on friday night, which lasted into early saturday morning. The wind was very warm, and I decided to go sit out on the porch, in the storm. I ended up kneeling out on the deck, and I wrote something when I came back inside. I added this piece of writing to my Scribble section, under today's date.

Page Updates:
Updated Scribble
Updated Music section of interests page.
Updated Link of the Now
Update: removed those annoying midi clips, finally. Only sound that should play is the wolf howl when opening the main page. If this is not the case, would someone please tell me? Thank you in advance.

9/30/2002:
Don't know what is wrong with me today... My eyes hurt like hell, like I have eye strain. Looking at the computer monitor makes me dizzy, which definitely isn't good because I have to do it for my work. And recently both ears started ringing and everything sounded really far away for about 10 seconds.

I do feel hungry, but usually hunger doesn't affect me this badly... Will see what I feel like after lunch. If not any better, think I'll take 1/2 a sick and go home. No point in working in discomfort.

After lunch. Not dizzy anymore, but feel really spaced out. And monitor still hurts my eyes. No games for me tonight. Probably watch a movie when I get home. Have plenty to watch, might as well. Watched The Mummy Returns last night for the first time. It was pretty good.

I am the man with the gaunt face and the red rimmed, hollow eyes.
I am the man who walks in a perpetual daze,
Seeming unaware of his surroundings.
I am me, I am that man today.
Who will I be tomorrow?
Hopefully not that man.

9/29/2002:
The drive down to Queens sucked: a car carrier overturned on Route 95 south and almost completely closed it off. It took me 2 hours to go 3 miles on that section of road... Luckily, there was construction being done in the median, complete with port-a-potties that many of us travelers made use of while waiting for traffic to go nowhere...

Once I got there, though, the weekend went good. Was nice to see friend Cindy again. We hung out friday night, then went to the park on Saturday for a bit, played some frisbee, lay on a blanket and admired the beautiful, blue, cloudless sky. Saturday night we went to a club called Luxe in Levittown. It was really cool there; pretty laid back, not too dressy. People pretty much wore whatever they wanted and that was fine. The music was good and moved me. I actually danced quite a bit... Then after the club, took Cindy home, then made the trek back to MA. Got home at 3 a.m., exhausted. Was sleeping by 4:30. Good weekend, but I'm still tired...

D&D went well last session. No one died, but the monk did get dropped to zero hit points again. All PC's are now 2nd level (yay), and many nasty kobolds have been vanquished.

Dragon Warrior update: 8th level, handaxe, half plate, small shield. Almost died in a cave. Tried to walk back to town with 1 hit point and 1 magic point remaining. Died to a ghost.

Still as confused as ever, and feeling kind of empty inside. No anger, no frustration, no happiness, no contentment...just silence and numbness.

In the memory you'll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up

Forgotton - Linkin Park

This runs through my head constantly today, and always an image of the same person comes to mind...I think you know who you are. I can feel you out there. I could feel you last night as I reveled in the darkness found inside me and moved to the music pounding in the air and thrumming in the floor. I know we do not have a constant bond, but at times like this I know you are both out there and here with me.

9/24/2002:
Woke up in a better mood this morning, though I still didn't feel like getting out of bed. Seems to be the case every day lately... So the mood is better today, but my stomach feels worse than yesterday. Always something.

I did end up playing games last night. Started playing through Dragon Warrior again :p What can I say? I got a craving to play it, and there it was. I'm 4th level now, with a club and leather armor! Woohoo! Soon I'll have enough to get that copper sword, and then I'll really be kicking some ass! Oh, and getting my ass kicked because my defense will still suck, but hell, that's what the Heal spell is for, right?

Was going to write some more stuff in here, but I forgot what it was...

Page Update: Updated Links
(Link of the Now update + added hardware link)

9/23/2002:
I woke up irritable, and the day hasn't done much to improve my mood. Suppose the fact that I got woken up the first time by people printing stuff on my printer -- while I was trying to sleep -- didn't help. Win2k was giving me shit after I got up. It wouldn't let me modify the settings on my printer. Kept telling me "access denied". It's my printer, attached to this machine directly! And I'm logged in as admin! What do you mean, ACCESS DENIED?!? I did fix it, but it was annoying...

Listened to some loud music, felt better.

Then I had to come to work. I like my job, but I'm just not in the mood for it at all today. Too many questions; too much thinking. Head hurts, want to go home. Just 20 more minutes..

Should work out tonight, but don't think I'm going to make it. Just too damn tired. Body needs rest, so I'm going to give it rest. No sense in pushing myself and ending up feeling worse. Go home and watch a movie instead probably. Maybe play a bit of video game, if I can stand to look at the screen. Maybe someone interesting will be online to talk to...again, if I can stand looking at the screen.

I feel lost. I don't know what I want from life right now and I don't know where to start looking for answers. Hopefully my get-together near the end of October will help me out with some of that, at least on the spiritually side (which needs a serious awakening in me, I feel more and more each day). As for a life companion as I spoke of yesterday, I don't know. Still no ideas or thoughts or visions or dreams or anything about that.

My eyes are very tired, and my head feels like it's being compressed in a vice. So much for working on my campaign at work tonight; just didn't have time. Maybe later tonight, if I'm feeling better. Maybe not. Who knows. Not I.

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

Colorblind, by Counting Crows

Been listening to the acoustic version of this song (from the movie Cruel Intentions. It touches me deeply, somehow, someway. Makes me feel more open, more tuned. I will listen to it when I get home. It helps me relax.

9/22/2002:
Never thought I'd say it, but: ugh, too much UT! I must have played 7 hours of UT2k3 yesterday, followed up by an hour of so of UT Domination. It was a great time, and we actually had all four horsemen online at once, which is a true rareity. Plus, our newest member showed up and played almost all weekend with us, which is a great sign, and we even had some people interested in joining the clan, so it was a great gaming weekend all around.

And now, amazing enough, I think I'm UT'd out for a bit. Going to take at least a couple days off of UT. Maybe play some more Dungeon Siege, advance my characters a bit there. Maybe play Megaman 4 some more (finished 3 again last week). Play things that aren't FPS's. That sounds nice..

In other news, my D&D campaign went well last Thursday, though I almost killed the monk. Dropped him to zero hit points, but the druid healed him up a little and all was good. Gotta watch out for those sneaky little bastard kobolds ;)

Generally things are going fairly well in life. I'm making enough to pay the bills and have some extra to pay off my student loans. Hopefully I will be done with those soon, and then maybe I can actually save some money... I really have most of what I want in life at this time, except one thing: a female companion to share these good things and these good feelings with. I suppose time will show me the way, but lately I have spent that time thinking about what I want; about who I want (or think I want), and I really just don't know. And just when I think I know that I want someone, something changes, either inside of me or externally, that makes me wonder again... *sigh*

I have noticed that my eyes are a much brighter green when there are tears in my eyes. Crying cleans out the soul. I've heard the eyes are a mirror, a view, into one's soul. Maybe my eyes are brighter, with my soul recently cleaned? I wish I could cry to do that cleaning...I sometimes want to cry but cannot. Are things locked so dark down in there that it takes a tragedy in my life (in my mind), a breakdown, in order for my soul to realize how much of a cleaning it really needs?

9/20/2002:
I got stuff done today, and I feel good about it. I got out, picked up some more incense that I needed, plus got supplies to use during my D&D campaign sessions (a large dry erase board, a ruler, some markers). Then, I finally got to cleaning out my closet (been meaning to do it for weeks). Got rid of some junk that I don't need, including an old printer that hasn't worked in years, but was still hanging around for some reason. Broke down the boxes that were cluttering up the place, saved the 5 largest ones, tucked them away (never know when one might need a couple extra boxes), and threw out the rest.

After all that was done, I cooked up a ham steak for myself, with some cucumber slices and italian dressing on the side, then sat down and ate while I watched the rest of Gladiator (which I started watching again about a week ago and never finished).

This concludes the Daily Report of Jared's life, Jared reporting. Time to go play some UT 2003!

Page Update:
Updated Scribble

9/17/2002:
Well, I must say I am quite impressed by UT2003 so far. The environments, models, and weapon discharges are all very nicely done, and the gameplay is smooth and enjoyable (though I'll admit I can't crank everything up to get the full effect until I upgrade my processor, which is something that probably will not happen until sometime around Christmas). I haven't yet played CTF, but I've played some Team DM online, as well as some of UT's new game type: Bombing Run. The map for Bombing Run is symmetrical. Teams start at opposite ends, and the "bomb" spawns in the center of the map. The goal is to pick up the bomb and carry it to your opponent's base to score. Scoring works like football: if you shoot the bomb through the portal in your opponents base, your team gets 3 points; if you carry the ball through the portal (killing yourself in the process), your team gets 7 points for your efforts. When a player has posession of the bomb, he/she cannot defend himself/herself, so it is very important to have a few defenders around when trying to score the bomb. Using of the new "boosts" can help as well. You need to have 100 adrenaline to use the boosts, and I only know of 4 so far:

Speed: forward, forward, forward, forward
Regen: back, back, back, back
Invis (or berserk): left, left, right, right
Berserk (or invis): right, right, left, left
I haven't used Berserk or Invis yet, so I'm unsure of which key combination is correct for each.

Oh, and something I forgot to add for my last update: I was visiting with my friend Jen while she was packing up her stuff and preparing for a move, and she came across some extra RAM she had kicking around and didn't want, so both my main machines got a bit of an upgrade a couple days ago :) My primary PC now has 384 MB (up from 256), while my secondary PC has 256 (up from 192). Happy computers make for a happy me, as well :)

9/15/2002:
Started my D&D campaign Thursday night after work. Everything went very very well. Apparently I haven't lost my DM'ing touch, as everyone had a good time, and we actually got some good roleplaying in, along with some exciting combat (Dire Rats are pretty nasty at 1st level). Plus, I didn't kill any PC's! Always a bonus for a first session :) I have quite the motley crew of adventurers: an Elven rogue, a Dwarven monk, and a Human druid. I will update more about the campaign next week, after our next session, as our story/adventures unfold and the PC's learn more about the state of the world around them.

Had an excellent weekend. Went down to Poughkeepsie Friday night and got to hang out with Mark, Mike, Jen H., Jen K., Michelle, Ryan, Amy, Brian, Rebecca (not all at once, but in parts and pieces) and some other newly-met people, of whom I remember few names. We hung out, some of us went to dinner together around 9 pm, some of us attended a party on Friday night. Got to bed around 2 am, though didn't sleep very well, due to a few incidences with very loud rap music and someone's alarm clock, which woke everyone in the house except the person it was intended for...

On Saturday, Mark, Mike, Jen H. and I went to the Renaissance Faire in Tuxedo, NY (Sterling Forest). We had a really good time. Mike dressed in black pants, a dark tunic, and a black cloak; I went in a chain mail shirt, tunic, and a self-wrapped kilt of yellow, red, and black. Mark and Jen didn't have time to get costumes, but they will make up for it next time :) We got to see a couple of shows there (the Singing Wenches and the Mud Show, two necessities), and of course it was great just walking around and seeing all the other people in costume, and looking at overpriced weapons (I got to hold a $1500 rapier) that I could never hope to afford there, but I'm sure I could find similar quality weapons somewhere online for at least a moderately less expensive price.

After the Ren Faire, we headed back to Poughkeepsie, picked Mark up from the train station (different Mark than the previously mentioned), dropped Jen off, and headed to Mike's. We got cleaned up (we were all sorts of sweaty and nasty after walking around in the sun for a few hours), then headed to dinner at a local diner. The dinner was good, when we finally got it, though we had some difficulties with a waitress who apparently only spoke Spanish, and, even when we explained "no hablo espanol", she stood next to our table and proceeded to offer to get us drinks, though she didn't understand anything we asked for (Mike asked for Coke, I asked for water; Mike got coffee, I got nothing).

After dinner, it was a get-together at Mike's, where I got to meet some very nice and interesting people, and hang out more with my friends, which is why I was really down there in the first place :) Unfortunately, having to work today, I had to drive home last night (got back home around 2:30 am), so I couldn't stay as long as I wanted to. Driving home, I realized how much I missed all of my friends already, even the ones I had just met. I am thankful every day that we have kept in touch as we have. My life would surely be much less happy without everyone that I saw this weekend. Thank you, all of you, for being such wonderful friends.

My shoulder muscles are really sore today and I'm not sure why. They were hurting yesterday when I was walking around the Faire, but after my wonderful back massage yesterday (thank you, Becca, I still owe you at least one for that), they were feeling ok. Now all sore again. If I'm not too beat, maybe I'll try and work out after work tonight. That will probably help ease the soreness significantly. It usually does.

Oh, BTW, the UT 2003 Demo is out, and from what I've played of it so far, it's pretty damn good. I'll be able to make a better judgement after tonight, as I'll most likely be playing it for awhile after work. I'll keep you posted :)

Page Update:Updated the Link of the Now

9/10/2002:
Attended my cousin Dawn's wedding on Sunday, and that went very well. Got to see my Mom and Dad, plus other family that I don't get to see nearly often enough. It was overall a good time, and I took Sunday off from work to go to the wedding, so I'm in for only a 4-day work week :)

My new printer came in yesterday, so I'm happy about that. It's a Canon S520 color bubble-jet. I had to reorganize my computer desk to fit the printer on it, and things are a little snug now, but all the equipment has room to breathe, I have room to work at the desk, and it looks semi-organized, so it's fine for now :) I printed some test pages last night, mostly in black and white, and it looks really good. I'll have to find a nice picture online at some point to test the color printing quality.

I can't wait for this weekend. Going down to Poughkeepsie on Friday night for a party at an apartment where they always throw good parties ;) Then, on Saturday, a bunch of friends and I head to the Renaissance Faire in Tuxedo, NY :) I've been working on my costume this week...we'll see how it goes :)

As for my dreams, they have gotten a little better, but still are featuring several random flashes of people I know, starting to be mixed with people I don't know:

9/7/2002: Sharon, Nikki, and Kelly join the ranks, along with Chris.

9/8/2002: Jon is the only one I know from this dream. Other featured parties include a young, scraggly, disheveled black man that I do not know, and a tall, thin girl with dark skin, shoulder-length straight black hair, and bright red lips, whom I also do not know.

9/9/2002: Mom, Dad, and Meghan, plus Wills, Chris, and Mark. No real story; more random stuff.

9/5/2002:
Antsy again today. Had some more fudge before work. Listened to techno on the way in. Random strings of music layer my brain like strands of spiderweb, thin, wispy, yet strong. I can't even sit still; feeling like running, running to get the energy out. I have determined that there will be no more fudge for me before work; it's just not doing me any good at all. Makes my stomach feel not so happy, and makes me want to run and play when I have to sit still and do my job.

And the dreams lately...the dreams. I would post them to the dreamlog here on this page, but none are complete enough or coherent enough to post. Names and people I know whirl through my head each night, with no apparent story or reason...I see my friends, my aquaintances, people I used to know...all jumbled together. Some images are there and then gone...some seem to be bringing some sort of story together, but just as I think I may be part of that story, everything rips apart and then there are new people there...Mark (all in black); Peter, Roland, Bryan (D&D crew, ready to play); Jackie (as our last time together); Becky (emerald eyes, emerald eyes, she keeps coming back to me; I saw her more last night than ever, and I can't get those eyes out of my head); Amy (love) ; Amie (black leather); more that I can't remember...should have written the names down when I awoke. If this trend continues tomorrow I will do so... I want to be able to buckle down and focus in my dreams. They are usually not this jumbled...not sure why they are so now.

In saner news, I did get to play some Dungeon Siege last night. It was easy to get back into; just took me awhile to remember how to do little things, and of course I forgot who had what equipment, so I'm still re-learning that so I don't have to spend all my time comparing loot to my current equipment to figure out if I should equip it or sell it. I'm planning on finishing the game this time around. It's a fun hack and slash/RPG game, with beautiful graphics, and I'd like to complete it. Then maybe I'll get back to Warcraft III, which hasn't really gripped me yet. It's a good game, but I'm starting to realize that I don't have as much interest in the RTS genre as I used to. Maybe because I'm not so good at RTS games :) Not really sure. We'll see how I feel in a week... I could very well feel completely different about everything then.

9/4/2002:
Feeling a bit hyped up today. A little antsy. Was listening to Slipknot before leaving for work today. Ate some chocolate fudge before I left. Listened to Static X on the way in. Think I figured out why I'm restless. Keep rocking in my chair as "Wait and Bleed" runs through my head. People may think I'm a bit off. Maybe more than a bit. Well, they sort of know me, so I suppose they should already know that.

One of my players can't play D&D this week, so looks like we'll be starting my new campaign next week instead of this week. I guess that will give me more time to prepare a bit, but I was hoping to play this week and get a feel as to how the players work in my world, and what direction it looks like they may take. Ah, well, thems the breaks. Guess I can build the world up some more throughout next week, then. Or, maybe I'll take a break and play some video games next week, as I haven't done much of that at all this week. About all I've played is Megaman 3 and Megaman 4. Been meaning to do more, but find myself strangely addicted to those old-school NES games :)

9/2/2002:
Had a good weekend, but was just feeling too tired and lazy to update yesterday. Still feeling tired, but not quite as lazy :p

Anyway, yeah, weekend was really good. Ended up having 5 people show up, so we had 7 total, including my roommate and I, and each person had a computer to use (even if not their own), so it was a truly geeky weekend, and it kicked ass. We were supposed to play a whole bunch of different games, but it turned out not everyone had a copy of all the games we wanted to play. We played a ton of Starcraft (some 2-on-2's, then 3-on-3's when more people showed up), quite a bit of Rage of Mages, and some Neverwinter Nights multiplayer. Plus we got to hang out, chat, and just be happy. Good stuff.

And now I'm back to work for the week. Yes, I'm working on Labor Day, but no big surprise there. I get paid overtime to do so, so it's allll good.

Not really sure where that huge amount of energy went that I had a couple of weeks ago. I am now back to my perpetually tired self, but oh well. I'm sure my lack of exercise over the past week and a half or so probably isn't helping any, but I just haven't been motivated at all to work out. We'll see what the next couple weeks bring. Hopefully I can at least get back into doing a little bit of exercise each morning before my shower. Every little bit helps.

Oooo, and I get to start DM'ing my new campaign soon. Hopefully we will start playing this Thursday night after work. I'm excited to start. I miss D&D. It's been a month or so since I've gotten to play any sort of tabletop game.

It's cloudy and depressing outside, and it's getting cold at night already. Summer went away far too quick for my tastes. We'd better have some warm, sunny days again before Fall sets in...

8/27/2002:
To any who were concerned about my last update, I am feeling much better, thank you. Stomach is still a little iffy, but that's pretty normal for me, and it's better than I was a couple days ago.

Today is ok. It was really busy earlier in my shift, but that's ok with me; just makes the day go faster. However, I am getting sick of having to do things that other departments are supposed to be doing. I am fully capable of doing such things, but the point is I shouldn't have to. Maybe they will get their act together at some point.

And now software is crashing around me. A reboot, and the software is still crashing randomly. Yay. I have since relocated to a different PC. During my break, one of my friends told me which .ini file to edit to make the software stop crashing. Good. I will edit that later, as I have to use the other PC tomorrow, because the one I am currently using will be in use by another individual.

That's ok. Just need to live through this week, and then we're supposed to do a reorganization and I'll get my own seat again (won't have to share a PC). That would be nice.

These words came into my mind last night as I drifted off to sleep, and wouldn't go away until I wrote them down:
Words: "An fah cini gon".
Language: Unknown.
Translation: I cast you back. (i.e. I banish you back to your home (plane)).

Page Updates:
Added "Broadband Speed Tests" section to Links page.

8/25/2002:
Had a really really good weekend visiting Cindy this past weekend. We started talking online over 3 years ago, and this was actually the first time we had met in person. Everything went very well. I got to meet her sister and some other members of her family, and they were all very nice.

Things could only have been better if my stomach hadn't been acting up severely. Yes, my happy stomach does it again, yay. Actually, I'm blaming the chicken sandwich I had for dinner on Friday night, because that's when I started feeling really icky. Normally I can eat chicken without too much of a problem, but I think this was just bad chicken. I was really hungry, so I got through about 1/2 the sandwich before I realized it tasted kinda funny, and not in a good way. So I took another bite, and then thought it was just my imagination. I don't think it was. About 10 minutes after laying that aside, I started to feel pretty bad, and it only really got worse after that. There was thankfully no vomiting (it's one of my worst fears, as far as sickness is concerned, because my body doesn't recover well at all from it), but I felt pretty bad for a couple hours afterwards. After those couple hours, I was feeling better, but definitely not in the mood to eat any food of any sort. Besides said physical problems, the rest of my night went very very well :) We went to see Serving Sara, which was actually quite good and funny (and it had Elizabeth Hurley in it...rowr). Then I got to spend lots of quality time with Cindy :)

Saturday ended up being a really lazy day, as it was overcast and rained for most of the day, but neither of us minded. We got to hang out and relax, and all was good. We were supposed to go out to a club that night, but I was still feeling pretty icky (almost felt feverish by 9:30 pm), and felt I should drive home before I was unable to. I left around 9:45 and got home around midnight, so that left me time to relax and attempt to eat something (I had eaten only a single peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the previous 12 hours, and even that caused my stomach to feel upset). I managed to eat some pasta while watching the 1st episode of Invader Zim, then I worked on my D&D campaign for a bit, then went to bed.

I am convinced that on top of whatever is wrong w/ my stomach, I have a little bit of some sort of sickness, as I slept 10 hours last night, and feel that I could have slept another 4 hours, easily. At least Sundays are fairly easy days at work, so I decided to come in and tough it out, rather than ruin my perfect sick day record (haven't taken a sick day in over 15 months, which is phenomenal for me). As of now, I have just eaten lunch, and I'm feeling ok. My stomach isn't too happy, but it's not too upset yet. I am feeling quite spacey, though, and tired, and kinda hot-and-cold, like I have the flu, except not as bad. I cannot wait to go home...

Page updates:
Changed "Link of the Day" to "Link of the Now", as that is always true, and then I don't feel as bad not updating it each day.
Updated the Link of the Now.

8/21/2002:
Was supposed to update yesterday, but for some reason I couldn't route to dreamwater.com from work. Ran a traceroute and was getting timeouts at a peering point, which would explain why I couldn't get here to update. Went home, and promptly forgot to update, as I usually do, which is why I do it at work :)

I am filled with happy energy, and it feels wonderful. During the majority of this week, I have found I have more energy than I've had in the past month. Maybe it was my refreshing trip to VT last weekend. Maybe it's this new D&D campaign that I'm building (I'm building a new world for my PC's to romp around in). Maybe it's because there will be a full moon tomorrow. Maybe it's because I'm going to get to see Cindy this weekend! I place my bets on "all of the above". I just feel very alive and happy, and I'm loving it :)

I've been playing less video games lately, and doing more "other stuff", mostly involving my D&D campaign, which is most always on my mind (though it will be tucked away this weekend, so my attention can be focused on my good friend that I'm going to see). The world is coming along good, and I still have lots of ideas that get put down on paper each day, as more rush to fill the space in my head. It's all very good.

Page Updates:
Added The OS Files to my Links page (tech links section).
Added "Programming Tutorials" section to Links page (tech links section).

8/18/2002:
Had a really good weekend. I traveled up to VT to celebrate my birthday (I turned 24 on 8/16) and spend some quality time with my parents. I was also supposed to go out to dinner with a good friend of mine, but unfortunate circumstances prevented us from doing so. Hopefully next time I go home we'll be able to go out.

Had a great time with my parents. We had some excellent meals (thank you, Mom) and some really good conversations. We watched Fellowship of the Ring on Friday night (and after that I watched Evolution and then about an hour's worth of Road Trip before I headed to bed). Also got to ride our ATV's with my Dad on Saturday, which is always a good time, although it was brutally hot out; almost too hot to even ride.

Drove back to MA on Saturday; got in around 8 pm. Unpacked, ate, showered, then played some multiplayer Neverwinter Nights for about 30 minutes, followed by almost 3 hours of Unreal Tournament :) All in all a very good weekend.

Now, I'm back to work for this week. Tonight is pretty slow, which is fine with me. Gives me time to do things like update my website :)

Oh, and I've had ideas brewing for the past few days for a 3rd Edition D&D campaign. I got both the Dungeon Master's Guide and the Monster Manual for my birthday, which is perfect. I haven't DM'd a campaign for over 2 years at this point, and I miss it. I'm going to enjoy putting all these ideas down on paper, and coming up with new ideas as I get back into the flow of things. There are even 2 players that are interested (the DM and one of the players from the last campaign I played in), so that's a good start, though I would like to find 1 or 2 more people interested in playing. That's ok, though; it is going to be a couple weeks before those guys can play, so hopefully by then I'll have some details smoothed out and will have found at least 1 other interested person to come and play some D&D with us :)

8/13/2002:
I finally finished the Neverwinter Nights single-player campaign. The final enemy was vanquished at 4:16 am this morning by Laroch Nareleth, my 18th-level Elven Evoker. It was a long, hard road, but through hard work and perseverence, I have prevailed. And I probably will prevail again sometime in the not-too-distant future, with a different character. Ah, NWN, how I love thy replayability :)

Next quest: to load up Warcraft III and complete those campaigns, probably with a smattering of Diablo 2 thrown in for variety. I logged 10 minutes of D2 today, getting used to playing my Necromancer again. I ran around, killed some stuff, summoned some golems and skeletons, and almost got killed by a lightening-enchanted goat. Almost forgot how much fun D2 can be :)

On a real-life front, not much to note. I'm loving my new position at work. I am doing pretty well at it (I can solve most of the problems thrown at me without looking for help), and am learning new things, which is one of the best parts about the job.

Page Update: Updated Link of the Day

I shouldn't have to do that, I know. It's a Link of the Day. It should be updated every day. Well, it's not, but "Link of Every Two or Three Days" just isn't a catchy title.

8/11/2002:
First day in my new position, and so far things are going really well. I had to move to a new seat in the call center, so I miss the people I used to be sitting near, but the people over here are nice, and I already know most of them, so that's all good.

Had a good weekend. Saw Signs on Friday. It was pretty good. Also watched Princess Mononoke again on Saturday, at my friend Campbell's house. An excellent, excellent anime movie. I highly recommend seeing it, whether you're an anime fan or not.

Besides those 2 movie viewings, the rest of my weekend consisted almost entirely of playing Neverwinter Nights. I have completed Chapter 3, and am a very happy 17th level at this point. I haven't gotten too far into Chapter 4 yet, but I'm looking to remedy that later tonight, when I get home from work :)

8/8/2002:
Well, this is it: my last day as a Cable Modem Support Agent. When I come in on Sunday, I am officially a Cable Modem Resource. And it's going to be really sweet :)

I know, my "Link of the Day" is only getting updated every couple days or so at this point. If people want to send me cool links to post, feel free. As it is, I don't go searching for links, I just wait to stumble on them or have random people send them to me. I like it better that way :)

Oh, and looks like the D&D campaign I was in has officially folded, due to a shift change within our call center. 3 of us are still going to be on similar shifts, so hopefully we can get some more people and get something going again. I hope so. Still can't beat tabletop roleplaying. Will keep you posted on developments. Kailar Lordouran, Elven Cleric, seeks work. Please help :p

8/7/2002:
Not too much of note for the past couple days. Had dialup retraining yesterday, as we are now going to be taking "overflow calls" from our dialup call center(s) to balance the "excessive idle time" that we have been experiencing as of late. The training wasn't too bad, and it gave me a day off the phones, away from customers. Just fine with me :) After today, I have 1 more day of taking external customer calls, and then I become a resource, and things get happier :)

Had some interesting dreams last night, but I don't remember enough to warrant an entry in the dream log. The thing I remember most was near the end of the dream: there was a powerful electrical storm brewing. The dark purple clouds were gathering and pulsing with power, and the air was heavy and oppressive. The air was thick with the smell of the coming storm, and we could also feel another energy involved... something dark and powerful.

When I was ripped out of this dream by my alarm, I tried to go back, but I could not. The heavy, warm rain was starting to fall in that other world, but I had to get up in this one and start my day, much to my dismay. Hopefully I can return there tonight...

8/5/2002:
Had a damn good weekend down in Long Island. Got to see lots of friends, meet some new people, hang out, play some crazy 4-player games of Super Smash Bros and Super Smash Bros Melee, go swimming, eat good BBQ food, listen to live music ( Cancelled rocked the party), dance, mosh, and be really damn happy.

Now I'm tired and sore. Another hour and a half 'til I get to go home. Think I'm going to hit the 24 hour Stop and Shop and do my shopping tonight, so I don't have to get up early tomorrow to do it...

Should be a fairly easy week, relatively speaking. Tomorrow, I have dialup retraining all day, then I work my last 2 days as a Cable Modem Support Agent. Starting Sunday of next week, I'm a Cable Modem Resource! :)

8/1/2002:
Just one...more...hour. Then I'm free, for a 3-day weekend! Taking a trip down to Long Island for our annual college-friends summer party. Looking forward to it. Going to be a fine, fine weekend. Should have good things to say at the end of it. If I do, they'll be posted here, of course :)

Page Update: Updated Dream Log

7/31/2002:
After dreaming about this event, I have had many reoccurring visions involving it. Today, I had some of these words running through my head, so I decided to post them.

Sooo...

Page Update:Updated Scribble.

7/30/2002:
Not so tired today as yesterday, but close. This week just seems to be dragging on. I can't believe it's only Tuesday. Feels like I've worked several weeks in a row at this point, and it's only been 3 days...

The strange energy that wrapped itself around me, threatening to smother me, has faded for today, but who knows what tonight will bring. It's always stronger at night...

Asked my spirit-sister (Darkangel) some questions last night, but unfortunately she doesn't remember any more than I do. I made a pact, a promise to protect and defend, but I cannot remember who I'm to be defending against. Maybe I never knew...

Page Update: Actually updated the Link of the Day.

Wow.

7/29/2002:
Tired today, but nothing too new about that. No matter how much sleep I get, it doesn't ever seem to be enough. I know this feeling... it comes around every few months: the feeling that I am doing too many things while I sleep, and therefore not really getting as much rest as I should be.

Had some good conversation with my roommate last night. It was nice to just sit and talk instead of coming home and getting on my computer, as I do most every other night.

I was feeling quite strange last night. While conversing with my roommate, I was suddenly overcome by a feeling that something was very wrong, but not in this world. I knew I had to talk to someone with similar connections as I, and thankfully, she was online (one of my spirit-sisters). She did not think my anxiety and feeling of wrongness was misplaced, but neither of us could pinpoint any particular reason for it.

Energies are shifting in the netherworlds, and things are coming to a head. It will be several years before conflict occurs, but in the scope of these things, that isn't much time. This knowledge I gained from my spirit-sister last night, but I need to know more before I can write my feelings about such things. The conflict she speaks of is not the same as the ones I have been dealing with for almost 5 years now. That there are other conflicts, in other worlds, that I have no knowledge of until just last night...it both frightens and excites me. War is a terrible thing, but one of my reasons for being here is as a guardian, so War is also sometimes my calling. This is mostly an unfortunate thing. I like what I do, and sometimes I feel I may be a little sick in the head for liking it, but tearing down one's inhuman enemies with burning fire or cold steel...the energy that bursts in my veins and makes my heart race...this experience is unmatched by anything I have ever felt on this world...and beyond anything I would ever want here.

To bring that energy and those experiences here would mean to bring those terrible battlefields to this Earth, and that is something I would never wish upon this glorious land that is our home and mother...

Hopefully I'll have something more organized to put here tomorrow. That last bit is just what has been cluttering up my head since last night. I try not to be anxious about the inevitable, but at the same time, I want to have as much information as possible. Hopefully I can gain more knowledge about such things tonight, and have something more clean-cut to post tomorrow...but probably not. These things always tend to be vague and cluttered for some reason.

On another note, finished reading through Desperation a second time.
Started in on The 21 Lessons of Merlyn again. My goal is to make it all the way through this time. Last time, I got through about 1/4 of it, then got side-tracked on a different mystic subject. Big surprise there...

Ok, I'm really done this time.

Page Update: Updated Links page.

7/28/2002:
Had a good weekend up on Oxbow Lake in NY. Got to spend quality time with a good friend, and got to meet her parents and grandparents (mother's side). Friday night was cold and rainy, so we entertained ourselves by playing cards. Saturday it was beautiful out. We went swimming and canoeing, then fell asleep on the dock for a little while, so got some nice sun too. We also went to a nice little local craft fair, where there was a nice variety of home-made items. I picked up something nice for myself: a flat wooden carving of a wolf, set on white fabric and framed. Also picked up something nice for my Mom, but I can't post it here because it hasn't been given yet :)

It was nice to be away from technology for the weekend. I could have stayed away for another day or 2, but I had to get back to work. Ah, well, hopefully I'll be heading up to VT sometime in the next few weeks, so I can get some fresh country air then :)

I could feel some strong energy waves up there this weekend, and I had some interesting dreams Friday night. I recorded what I could remember of the dreams when I got home last night, and I will try and remember to post that bit here on the site this week.

7/27/2002:
Strange thing on the way home from upstate NY (I'll post about the trip tomorrow) - I looked up at the moon, and instead of seeing the usual face of the "the man in the moon", all I could see was a radiation symbol.

Just like that, except black instead of red.
A sign of some sort, perhaps?

7/24/2002:
Really tired. Had to do laundry, got to bed late. Had dentist appointment this morning, had to get up early. Didn't have time for nap between end of appointment and work. Came to work, got tossed in resource Q, so I get practice at my new position (I got the promotion :) -- start in a couple weeks), and we're swamped. So yeah, tired.

No workout tonight, just some relaxing and sleepies.
Oh, and hopefully talking to Amy, as we're supposed to do something this weekend :)

At least I have clean clothes...

7/22/2002:
Yeah, so I saw the CEO of RCN today. Yeah, Dave McCourt. He showed up at our call center in MA, and was leaving just as I was arriving for work. I opened the door for him. I didn't really even know who it was until about 2 minutes later, when I realized how familiar the guy looked :) Yep, I'm with it today...

7/21/2002:
Had a good weekend, if a little random :)
I played some UT friday night, then became quite bored around 9:30, and my friends in the area were busy. I was talking with Amy online, and she admitted that she, too, was bored, so I went to see her. In Poughkeepsie. ~2 hour drive.

I got there around 12:15, and we had a good time hanging out, chatting, and watching TV. Random trip, and fun. Got to see, Jen, too, and I get to see entirely not enough of either of them, so it worked out well. Came back on Saturday, got home around 5:30 pm, and then played UT (Domination) and Neverwinter Nights (my Evoker is now a happy 12th level) for the remainder of the evening :)

A nice relaxing weekend.

7/18/2002:
Did get out on my rollerblades 2 nights ago, and it felt good. Got some fresh air, got some exercise, and avoided road rash. Since that night, I've been feeling better and better as the weekend approaches.

I smell change in the wind... I got interviewed for a resource position within RCN last week, and I find out tomorrow if I got the job. I am optimistic about the outcome...

As I mentioned before, I bought Warcraft III earlier this week, and I am enjoying it. I'm about 1/2 way through the Human campaign at this point. The game is very good, and the graphics are really pretty. However, I still haven't finished the single player portion of Neverwinter Nights yet, so that is still taking up most of my gaming attention right now. We'll see what happens in the next week or so, where that is concerned...

Page Updates:
- Updated Links page (Changed layout, added tech link)

7/16/2002:
I'm feeling more and more crappy as I sit here at work. Munching on gum to calm my stomach, hoping it will settle so I can at least eat some dinner tonight. I don't know what's wrong with me; I just want to get out of this place, more than I usually do. It feels like an oncoming anxiety attack, like I used to get sometimes back in college. I don't like it. 20 minutes to go. Won't be working out here tonight; I can't stand to be here any longer than I have to. Maybe I can get out on my rollerblades tonight. Some semi-fresh night air would do me good. Maybe I can settle some of these thoughts that are streaming through my head at light-speed, while I zip around and hopefully avoid extreme roadburn. Better wear my kneepads.

7/16/2002:
--My vacation this past weekend went well. Flew out to Minnesota to visit my friend Liz, whom I haven't seen in nearly 2 years. We had a really good time hanging out. I got to see the Mall of America (biggest mall in America, 750+ stores), a science museum with a really nice dinosaur exhibit, a nice zoo in the area (I don't like the concept of zoos, but I find I like seeing the animals, as I would not be able to see them otherwise), and I got to ride around in a nice Mercedes Benz convertable for a day :)

Also, and most importantly, I got to relax. I can't remember the last time I was mostly relaxed for 4 days in a row. Thank you, Liz, for a wonderfully relaxing vacation.

--Today's update:
Feeling a little better than last night, but not completely.
I still feel down, and I think what bothers me most is that I cannot find a cause. I would almost say I feel depressed, and it sucks. I haven't felt this way in quite some time. I spoke with a few friends online last night. One, a spirit sister of mine, told me how her and her soulmate had found each other. I am infinitely happy for her, and wish her the best in everything. At the same time, I realize my own lonliness and longing for a female kindred spirit. I was actually thinking about her on the flight home, in a general sense, even though I do not know if I have even met her yet...

And even as I feel the crushing presence of my own longing, I feel a sense of things coming together; not so much in an individual way, but with an emphasis on my spirit family, those I have known and who have been there for me throughout the ages and lives I have lived. This feeling fills me with a sort of anxiety, which may be the basis for the strange feelings that have been flowing through me for the past 24 hours or so. I hope to speak with others about this soon, and gather their thoughts on the coming events, whatever they may be.

Page Updates:
Creatures of the Night section updated.
Links section updated.

7/15/2002:
So fucking pissed off right now, and I don't even know why. Played some UT tonight; sucked worse than I ever have. Now just feel shitty and restless. Closed UT, tried to come here to update this, and my whole computer ate it. Took a reboot to fix it. Now my update is here...and this is about it. Don't know what to do now. Don't really feel like doing anything in particular. Will probably play some Neverwinter Nights or Warcraft III, which I bought today (something more to suck my soul away and ensure that I never have any sort of social life).

Was hoping some people would be online to chat to, but no one really on right now. I don't really feel like talking anyway. I think I need a hug. Oh, wait, no one to give me one of those either.

Fuck it, I'm out. Hopefully I can post on a happier note tomorrow.

7/9/2002:
Had a very good - but very tiring - time this weekend. My friend Jesse and I drove 9 and 1/2 hours to Canonsburg, PA, to attend a good friend James' wedding. We drove out on Friday, the wedding was on Saturday, and then we drove back on Sunday. I hope not to have to drive too far anytime in the near future.

The drive was well worth it. I had a wonderful time. The wedding ceremony was very good (and thankfully short; it was hot in the church). The reception was copious amounts of fun. There were many really wonderful people there, there were drinks, there was really good food, and there was dancing. Yes, I danced. It may have been scary for onlookers :)

I met some really cool people this weekend, including someone who lives just 1/2 hour from me, and knows a guy I sit next to at work (it's a small world...). We hope to get together and hang out sometime in the near future.

I swear that I had a lot more to say about this weekend. I should have written it out last night, but I didn't feel like it. The trip really wore me out. Have another one coming up: on Thursday afternoon I fly to Minnesota to visit a wonderful person that I haven't seen in almost 2 years. That will be very very relaxing. I am looking forward to it immensely.

Hopefully I'll have another update here tomorrow.

7/3/2002:
Customers never cease to amaze me. I just spoke to a very nice gentleman, who claims that he can move his mouse, but cannot click on anything, and his keyboard is also not working. He has turned the computer off and on several times, and each time he ends up with the same result once he reaches the desktop: a complete lack of functionality.

Now, I do Cable Modem support. I explained that this type of behavior means there is something wrong with his computer. He replied with, "Oh, I thought it must be a modem problem."

Now that I sit and reflect on this call, I am wondering if he has actually turned off his computer, or if he was just turning his monitor off and on...

Page Update: *gasp* I updated my Dream Log

7/2/2002:
Still feeling a bit under the weather. Bit of congestion in my throat, bit of an upset stomach. Speaking of weather, the current weather situation isn't helping me feel much better I don't think. Hot and very, very humid. I hope it gets cooler for the weekend like it's supposed to. Have a long drive ahead of me, and I'm hoping that I will only have to use the A/C for part of the trip; I prefer regular air over A/C. We will see how it goes.

Not much else for news. I'm tired and want to go home. It's 11:45 pm. 15 more minutes, and Goddess willing I won't get stuck on a long call.

I want to go home and play more Neverwinter Nights. My Elven Evoker is doing well. My henchman (a half-orc barbarian), my familiar (Fire Mephit), and I killed a Yuan-ti and her followers last night, and I am now a happy 6th level. I am impressed by the arcane gestures and words spoken while spellcasting. Also, the effects are visually entertaining. Very enjoyable game. Maybe next week I can start playing with the DM tools :p